A Lending Hand
by Phoenixhp5
Summary: WARNING: contains disciplinary spanking! Do not read if this offends you Takes place right after Week of Tears. The Cullens are taking a much needed vacation in Denali, and Carlisle confesses to Eleazar everything that had occurred. Eleazar feels it's time he take make good on a promise he made to the younger vampire years before.
1. Chapter 1

**A Lending Hand**

 **Disclaimer:** Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer

 **WARNING: This story contains disciplinary spanking. Please don't read if this is not your thing.**

 **A/N:** Hello everybody! As always, I've taken my sweet time writing a story. Wasn't so sure for a while if I was going to finish this one. Well, I have and now my mind is running away with me. I've got two stories in mind and I'm not sure which one I want to start with.

First story: I said I'd never write this, but I've gotten into my head that it's time I write what happened with the Cullens immediately after the events in Volterra (New Moon). There are many good ones out there that go over this event, but I have an idea that no one has hit upon.

Second story: This one would take place after this story specifically. There's tension between Rose and Bella, and it boils over causing a fight to break out. Bella is sorry, but Rose is just pissed.

I'm leaning more towards the first story. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Apologies for any errors, but I just wanted to get this posted.

 **Chapter 1: I Don't Want To**

 **Carlisle's POV:**

I leaned against a tree, stomping down my feelings of anxiety as I watched Eleazar staring down at the ground with a frown on his face. My family and I were in Denali taking a much needed vacation after the events of the past month. We had arrived a couple nights ago, and today I had finally decided to inform Eleazar of the events that had brought us here. He had known something had happened, but he'd thankfully let me make the decision of when to tell him. I had asked him to join me for a hunt this morning, and now a couple hours later I had finally finished my tale.

I resisted the urge to fidget, not wanting to let my oldest friend know what I was feeling. He had remained silent the entire time I had spoken, and I was grateful for that as it had made telling my story easier; but at the same time it also unnerved me as I didn't know what he was thinking. His hands were on his hips now as he silently paced around for a bit. I wondered what he was thinking. After a few more seconds of pacing, he stopped and finally looked at me.

Without really thinking, I found myself straightening.

"You apologized to them?" he questioned, and I nodded my head.

"Yes," I replied, "Esme got us all together to talk as things had become strained, and I apologized for being so harsh with them. I realized I had gone too far, especially with Rosalie and Alice. I allowed my fear to get the best of me, and hiding behind the front of coven leader I punished them." I shifted from one foot to another, uncrossing and then crossing my arms. A look of disappointment marred the Spaniard's face, and I suddenly felt rather ashamed of myself. I found myself looking away as I couldn't stomach his look of disappointment.

I heard the older man's sigh before he called my name causing me to lift my head. His expression still showed disappointment, and I bit my bottom lip. This had been the reason I had put off telling him. Eleazar had long since become more than just a friend, he had become my older brother, an older brother who less than a handful of times had taken to treating me like an errant child when he felt it was necessary. For having no children, this man knew very well how to deliver an effective scolding. I supposed it had to do with him having been the eldest of 9 brothers and sisters in his human life. He had experience with something else as well, something he'd only threatened me with but had yet to feel the need to follow through with. I hoped to keep it that way.

"I can see why your family felt the need for a vacation," Eleazar commented evenly. "I can also see why things have seemed somewhat tense between you and your children." I just nodded, holding back a grimace at how observant he'd been. Things were better between the children and I, but as Eleazar had noted, there was still some tenseness. There was still a bit of wariness on their part and guilt on my part. We were still shying away from reach other. Earning their forgiveness and trust would take time; and truth be told, it would take some time for them to earn my complete trust back as well.

"Although we have both apologized to each other," I responded sadly, "It will take some time for them to truly forgive me and be able to trust me as they did before. I messed up, Eleazar," I confessed in a near whisper.

"I would be in complete agreement with that, _hermanito_ ," he remarked, and I couldn't help the small smile that graced my features at his referral to me as _hermanito_ (little brother). I heckled him often about how I was older than him, but in truth he was 10 years older than me physically, which made him the older brother. It was nice to have someone who I could be totally free with. A man who was not my responsibility. A man who, although I told him it was unnecessary, looked after _me_ instead of the other way around. There were times, however, such as now that I longed for him as just a friend rather than an older brother.

"It does appear as though you let that temper of yours get the better of you," Eleazar then stated, and I resisted the urge to glare or look embarrassed. I knew I _used_ to have issues with my temper, but that was years ago. I had learned to control it before I'd even turned Edward. Eleazar, of course, knew me before then, though, and he had witnessed my temper first hand. He had witnessed the trouble it had landed me in with Caius. I hoped he'd forgotten the younger, more foolish me, but it seemed he hadn't. Damn vampire memory.

"I had my temper under control," I refuted, "I didn't punish them out of anger."

"No?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Then please explain what led to your serious lapse in judgment."

I openly frowned at him, not liking how he was treating me like a disobedient child. I had owned up to my mistake, and I had discussed it with my family. Apologies had been made, and now all that was needed was time for things to go back to the way they were…at least I hoped things could go back to the way they were.

"I told you I was afraid," I explained somewhat tersely. "They endangered their lives and that of our family. They could have exposed us, and you know what would have happened had the Volturi got wind of this. They would destroy my family, Eleazar and I wouldn't be able to stop it. Those children were foolish and idiotic!" I snapped, fear and anger coursing through me. Fear at what could have been, and anger at the reminder of their disobedience, and at the fact that Eleazar was trying to scold me.

"And there goes your temper," he simply stated, giving me a pointed look that only served to further incense me. I gritted my teeth to keep from saying anything I would regret while at the same time trying to calm myself down. How easily this man was able to push my buttons. How easily I was able to lose the tight control I always had on my emotions. Eleazar kept his golden eyes trained on me, and I knew he was reading me as well as I was reading him. He felt justified in his accusation. He felt I was beginning to act childish right now, so I glared while letting a growl rumble in my chest.

Eleazar responded with raised eyes and upturned hands. "Calm, my brother, calm," he ordered softly. "I do not mean to offend you, rather I only mean to point out certain things you seem to not want to notice."

"Like what?" I asked.

"You lost control with your niños, Carlisle, and you seem to fluctuate between agreeing and disagreeing with me," he informed me. "You made a big mistake, sì?"

"Yes," I replied quietly, my stomach churning uneasily.

"You were too harsh with your children?" he then asked, and my stomach churned even more as I nodded my head, letting out a very quiet, "Yes."

"What they did scared you," he stated factually. "It scared you so much that you let your anger overshadow it," he continued, and I opened my mouth to disagree, but he held a hand up to keep me from interrupting me. "I agree that they went too far. They did endanger your family, but while their actions were very wrong, so were yours. It is not fair, Carlisle, but as head of your family you are held to a higher standard." Eleazar paused, looking me over before continuing to speak.

"You let your fear control you. You then let your anger overshadow that fear because fear is a weakness, am I correct?" he asked, and I winced internally at his spot on assessment. I didn't answer him, though, so he repeated with a mild touch of irritation, "Am I correct?"

"Yes, you are correct," I spoke stiffly.

"It did not stop there, though," the man continued relentlessly, and I mentally groaned. "You knew you should not allow your anger to get the better of you so you allowed yourself to react as coven leader. Now, you _are_ the coven leader, Carlisle, and there will be times it is necessary for you to act as such; but I personally do not agree that this was one of those moments."

"When I do or do not act like coven leader is not for you to decide," I retorted smoothly, and he nodded his head.

"You are correct," he conceded full heartedly, "you do know your family better than I, and I would never presume to tell you how to behave with your family. However," he added seriously, his voice deepening, "when I do feel the need to step in is when you mistreat your family." I internally flinched at those words.

"You donned on the hat of coven leader in order to justify your anger," he continued speaking, taking a few steps closer to me. "Your fear was understandable, but you dealt with it in a poor manner. You covered it with anger, and then took on the persona of coven leader to deal with your anger. You closed yourself off, which allowed you the ability to deliver the harsh punishments to your children without hesitation."

My mind raced as I tried to come up with some sort of response. I wanted to argue and refute his claims, but his words struck a chord. They rang true, and I knew there was no response other than to give my reluctant nod of agreement.

I licked my suddenly dry lips before quietly admitting, "You're right, that is exactly what I did." Eleazar stepped right up to me now, placing a hand on my shoulder as he then said, "And this is why you still feel guilt."

"I'm not…," I began to argue before letting out a sigh. He was once more correct. I ran a hand through my hair, turning away from Eleazar as I suddenly felt uncomfortable. He nailed it on the head. He knew exactly what I had done and why without me actually saying it out loud. Esme may have suspected, but she trusted me enough to not question me. I will admit I was rather surprised by how little she had said in regards to my punishments for the children. She had never stood in my way or protested, and I wondered why. The only time she had grown angry with me was when I had shied away from speaking with the children. Even after I openly admitted and apologized to being overly harsh she said nothing, only recommending that we come here so that I could speak with… My train of thought paused, realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. Esme had insisted we come here as a much needed vacation _and so that I would speak with Eleazar_. Did she foresee this conversation? Did she understand how Eleazar would react? Was she using him to express her own feelings?

"Did Esme tell you why we were coming?" I suddenly asked, and El's eyes rose in confusion at the change of topic before shaking his head.

"No," he answered honestly, "she only said that you all wanted to visit and take a break from being 'human' for a little while." He gave me a questioning look as I nodded, no doubt wondering why I had asked him this.

"I wondered why Esme had never argued with me regarding my punishment of the children, even when I had admitted to going too far," I informed him, and the older man's eyes turned understanding.

"I see," he murmured, giving me a confused look. "You don't know why?"

"No, do you?" I asked, surprised that he would understand my mate's actions better than I.

"You gave the order as coven leader, and she will not go against her coven leader," he explained simply, his look suddenly sympathetic as he noted the stunned look on my face.

"She…I should have…Oh," I finally mumbled, pinching the bridge of my nose at my ignorance. There was even more guilt now as I realized that I had effectively tied Esme's hands the past month. I had stripped her of her power and she'd said nothing to me. I remembered back to the day I'd whipped my children and how I had banned her from getting involved. I hadn't considered the fact that my order to her would be taken as law, and that she wouldn't feel she could go against me. I needed to talk to her.

I turned to the direction of the Denali house, suddenly feeling the need to see Esme right now. I needed to reassure myself that she hadn't felt slighted, hurt, or angry with me for how things had transpired. I needed her to understand I hadn't expected her absolute obedience and compliance with me. I took a step before my arm was firmly grasped.

"Where are you going?" Eleazar asked, and I quickly responded, "To see my wife," before attempting to leave. I expected Eleazar to let me go, so I was surprised when I felt his grip tighten. I turned, giving him a disgruntled yet pointed look, but when he just stared back and didn't release his hold I roughly yanked my arm out of his grasp. I didn't leave though, wanting to know why he felt the need to stop me from leaving.

"We are not through talking, Carlisle," he stated, crossing his arms and gracing me once more with a disappointed expression.

"Eleazar," I explained, "I need to go speak with Esme and explain"—

"Carlisle, stop," Eleazar ordered calmly, and I closed my mouth suddenly realizing I was not going to like the direction this conversation was about to take.

"You just admitted what you did wrong, and you are ready to run?" he asked me, and I instantly felt embarrassed by what he must be thinking.

"I was not running from you, Eleazar," I stated, "I just started thinking about Esme and how she hadn't ever called me on my behavior. After what you've told me, I want to speak with her so that I can apologize. I need her to understand I never meant to order her not to interfere."

Eleazar gave a nod of understanding before asking, "Is that true, though? Did you really not intend to order her?"

I opened my mouth to respond before pausing to think things through more carefully. Truth was, I hadn't wanted Esme to get involved at all. I had been afraid she would try to stop me, and not wanting that to happen I had ordered her to let me handle it; and then I hadn't allowed myself to question the fact that she simply stood by and allowed me to discipline our children without protest. She had been nothing but comforting and understanding. Had she been faking it? Had she really wanted to lay into me? But that didn't make sense. I knew my wife well enough to know if she was lying. If she was truly upset with what I had done she wouldn't have been able to hide it.

"I-I may have meant to order her…I mean I did intend to order her," I confessed, my mind a whirl of thoughts. I was feeling confused and even more guilty. I had thought we were all past this event. I thought I could put the past month behind me, but it seems I had not dealt with anything.

"It seems like you have been trying to deny a lot of your feelings," the Spaniard observed, looking me up and down. I said nothing, having no idea how to respond to his assertion. He was right, but I didn't want to agree with him either. I didn't want to admit to having screwed up even more than I originally had thought. I didn't want this man whom I looked to as a brother to look down on me. I didn't want him to continue to stare at me with such disappointment.

I looked down at the floor, rubbing my right hand on the back of my neck. I felt so frustrated suddenly and a bit lost. I was off kilter. I turned away from Eleazar and walked a few steps. I needed some distance, yet it seemed my brother was not going to give me that for he closed the space between us in less than a second.

"Carlisle, look at me," he ordered, and I let out a sigh before setting my gaze upon him. His face was stern, yet I noticed there was indecision in his eyes. That perplexed me, but before I could wonder anymore, the look was gone and replaced with determination.

"Do you remember the discussion we had back when you took a punishment too far with Emmett?" he questioned, and before I could even respond, he then asked, "Do you remember the discussion we had two years ago when you moved up here to get away from Forks?"

Butterflies suddenly fluttered all over my stomach as I gave a single nod. I clearly remembered both conversations, and not just because of vampire memory. I remembered both with startling clarity as both conversations had taken place after both times I had been disciplined by my wife. Both times I had confessed to the elder man how I had messed up, and both times I had endured quite thorough tongue lashings. In addition, I had also been told to consider myself lucky that Esme had handled my punishment before being warned that if I ever harmed my family directly or indirectly again that _he_ would be the one to take me in hand and the results would be far from pleasant.

"You remember what I promised you?" Eleazar pressed, and I unconsciously found myself shaking my head.

"Eleazar," I faintly began to speak, but he waved a hand, halting my words as he firmly said, "Carlisle, do you remember?"

A lump formed in my throat, keeping me from speaking as I gave a very reluctant nod.

"Good," he replied putting both hands on my shoulders, "then you understand what is going to happen and why."

I swallowed the lump, panic surging through me as I shook my head before saying, "Eleazar, no, you don't have to"—

"I warned you, hermanito," he interjected sternly, while at the same time giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze.

"El," I nearly pleaded, "it's not necessary, I remember your warnings quite clearly but I don't think this is one of those times. I don't think I"—

"You don't think you harmed your family?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, finally letting go of my shoulders. "Please explain."

My mind raced rapidly, going over everything that had happened and trying to come up with some sort of response and/or defense on my behalf, but I could come up with nothing. My stomach sank as I realized I _had_ caused my family harm, and that Eleazar _had_ warned me of what would happen if I did this again. I suppose I never actually thought he would follow through on his threat as he'd threatened me several times in the past.

Eleazar continued to stare at me with a raised eyebrow, and when I failed to give him an explanation, he just nodded his head, understanding crossing his expression as he gave me a clap on the shoulder.

"You still don't have to do this," I had to say, "I mean I'd really prefer if you didn't." I felt very childish at my protests, but I somehow found myself unable to keep my mouth closed. This was Eleazar, and somehow I felt it was okay that I protested.

"I'm sure you do," he spoke with a slight smile on his face, "but I am not your wife, Carlisle. I am your older brother, so this will not be an open discussion. This will not be a debate. You messed up and now you will pay the price."

I frowned deeply before thoughtlessly snapping, "You can't force me, Eleazar, you are not my father, and I _will_ fight you."

I had expected Eleazar to become angry or for him to back off, but he simply crossed his arms and calmly responded, "You are correct, Carlisle, I am _not_ your father and I would hope that you'd be thankful for that." I grimaced at his words, a sudden rush of shame flooding through me. He was right. I _was_ very glad he wasn't my father…but that hadn't been the point I was trying to make. I was aiming to let him know he hadn't the right to punish me, but he had to have known that.

"As for fighting me," he continued just as calmly, "If you feel that strongly, then I will not force this punishment on you. I have no desire to force you to submit to me. I am not an abusive man. I love you, mi hermano querido."

My eyes widened at his words, caught off guard. I hadn't expected him to give up so easily, and somehow I now felt very guilty for my heated words. Truthfully, I had no intention of fighting him, not just because I knew he was a better fighter, but also because I had no desire to hurt him either physically or emotionally. I loved him too.

"I apologize," I hurried to say in open honesty, "I would never fight you. I love you as well."

Eleazar smiled at me and said, "I know." Shame and embarrassment continued to course through me as I considered how childish I was acting. I stood there awkwardly now, not quite sure what to say or do at this point. My brother seemed to understand me, as always for he then said, "I leave the choice to you, Carlisle, but know this, if you decide to accept punishment, then there is no going back."

I groaned internally, now knowing that my fate was in my hands. Somehow I think it would have been easier to have been forced. At least he wasn't having me ask for it as Esme would have. Then again, I wouldn't have asked for it at this time no matter what guilt I felt at my actions. Interestingly enough, that thought caused me to feel even more guilt and embarrassment. The choice was obvious. I knew what I'd done. I knew I'd royally screwed up. I'd gone overboard with my children's punishments, most especially with Rosalie and Alice. I knew I deserved to be punished, but I didn't want it. My mind quickly flashed to my childhood, but instead of standing in front of my father I was standing in front of my best friend James's father, Arthur. He was reprimanding me for my temper causing me to get into a fight. I had really hurt the other boy and Arthur had not been pleased with me. Needless to say once Arthur was through with me I had felt very sorry for what I'd done, and I was nursing a very sore bottom.

I knew I'd made my decision, so now all that was left for me to let Eleazar know. I couldn't find it in me to say the words though, so like a boy instead of simply telling him of my decision outright, I did it indirectly when I stated in a small voice, "I really don't want to be punished, El."

His sympathetic smile was proud and understanding as he walked towards me and threw an arm around my shoulder.

"Good," he remarked, "It wouldn't be effective if you wanted it."

I huffed, giving him a mild glare when he chuckled softly. This conversation was rather surreal as I found myself on the receiving end of words I so often told my troublesome brood.

"So here is what is going to happen," he began to speak, his tone more serious, "We are going to return home, pack some items and then head out for a little brotherly bonding. I will allow you some time to speak with Esme, and I will leave it up to you whether to tell her what is going to happen or not. Understood?"

I resisted the urge to let out a groan as I responded, "I understand." He smiled in response, looking far too happy for my liking before we both took off for home. When we arrived I headed off immediately to speak with Esme while Eleazar headed off in the direction of Carmen. The Denali sisters were gone along with all my daughters on some excursion or another. I was thankful Esme and Carmen weren't with them, but also curious. With some embarrassment, I realized they both must have known what sort of conversation we were having, and were waiting for us to see in what way they could help. I was just glad my sons were out as well right now because I had no desire for them and their endless curiosity. Not to mention I didn't need Edward reading Eleazar's mind. He didn't know how to block my son yet as he'd never felt the need to try.

I walked into the room Esme and I were sharing, and felt instant relief when my wife greeted me with a warm hug. I returned it wholeheartedly, soaking in her comfort.

"What's wrong, Carlisle?" she questioned concernedly, pulling away enough so that she could look me in the eyes. "Did your talk with Eleazar not turn out well?"

"Depends on what you consider well," I remarked drily, and her brow furrowed in confusion.

I sighed wearily before deciding to just be blunt. It wasn't as though she was unaware of the brotherly relationship Eleazar and I had; and it wasn't as though she didn't know the threats he had issued me either. There was very little I kept from my wife, and that was one of them. Having already been spanked twice by this woman I found myself more embarrassed by the fact that I had earned myself a hiding by my brother rather than that fact that the punishment would be a spanking.

"Eleazar has decided to make good on the promise he gave me two years ago," I informed her grimly, and her eyebrows immediately rose in surprise and worry.

"He's going to spank you?" she gasped, pulling my hands into hers.

I gave a dismal nod and bowed my head. She responded by holding the back of my neck in one hand and caressing my hair in the other. She offered her comfort for several minutes before she asked, "Do you need me to speak with him? I could set him straight."

I abruptly pulled away, giving her a look of surprise. Her jaw was set and she looked rather determined, and I entertained the idea of agreeing briefly before banishing the thought from my head. I'd fully earned my punishment, and it would be cowardly to send my wife to argue on my behalf.

"No, of course not, Esme," I responded, giving her an appreciative smile nonetheless. "As difficult as I find this, I did earn it."

"Oh darling," she spoke sadly, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Are you sure about this? Despite Eleazar's promise, you don't have to accept his punishment whether you feel it justified or not", she informed me, pausing momentarily before then adding, "and if you do feel it is justified _I_ could help you out as I have before."

Groaning internally, I shook my head emphatically. "It _is_ justified, and I have the feeling it would be best if Eleazar dealt with this." My talk with him had filled me with an over abundance of guilt, and I somehow knew that my dear brother would be harder on me than my wife; also, I found myself realizing that the thought of being spanked by Eleazar was much less humiliating than being spanked by Esme. Although…

"Eleazar will handle this," I stated, "however, I know I have terribly wronged you, so if afterwards you feel I am deserving of more punishment, I would submit." This idea was horrifying, but more than deserved unfortunately. I had once more betrayed the trust of my loving wife. I had used my authority to tie her hands so that I could do what I wanted.

"Wronged me?" Esme questioned, looking completely perplexed. "What would make you say such a thing? You have done no such"—

I cut her off with a finger to her lips, and a knowing look on my face. "You're lying, my love," I simply stated. I couldn't understand how I hadn't noticed this before, but then I realized this was the first time I admitted doing this. Esme would never have mentioned it to me, and that bothered me immensely. I was suddenly very grateful to Eleazar for bringing this issue to light.

She pursed her lips for a few seconds staring me straight in the eyes. I knew she was looking to see if I could handle what was about to be said. I stared straight back, my own eyes letting her know that I wanted—no, I _needed_ nothing but the truth. Nodding her head, she looked down momentarily while letting out a sigh. She released her hold on me and walked a few paces away from me. I waited with fake patience.

"We've known each other for many years, Carlisle," she began to say, "and because of that I feel I know you better than I know myself. I understood completely what was going through your mind the night you ordered me to not interfere. I knew the abject fear you were feeling, and I knew the fury and hurt that was burning in your heart." I listened without interruption, somehow not surprised by her words. As she knew me so well, I knew her just as well; however, I unfortunately could be pigheaded and purposefully blind to those feelings.

"Despite my understanding," she continued, some heat entering her tone, "I openly admit to being hurt and furious myself." She looked me full in the eyes as she then said, "The children betrayed your trust; well, you betrayed _my_ trust." I felt a sharp pain in my chest at her admission, having expected her to say this yet still not prepared to hear it. "You did not trust me at all to help you, or to even know what to do in such a situation. So many times you've insisted that you trusted me completely in dealing with our children, but you displayed none of that. You completely shut me out. Not only that, you _ordered_ me not to interfere." There was full on anger and hurt in her words and face now.

I opened my mouth to respond, but ended up closing it after a moment when all I could think to say was profuse apologies and promises to never do it again. Esme knew I was sorry. She knew I would promise to never treat her in such a way again; however, with much sadness I was realizing that this was a promise I wasn't sure I could keep, and judging by the expression adorning Esme's face she knew this as well. A painful lump formed in my throat as I attempted to process this revelation. I couldn't promise my own wife, the love of my life that I wouldn't hurt her in this way again, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that.

My eyes stayed trained on hers, and I saw both understanding and resignation. This wasn't right. She shouldn't have to resign herself to my shortcoming—to my _failure_.

I swallowed heavily, finally finding my voice. "I wish I could promise you that I wouldn't ever treat you like this again, love," I admitted sorrowfully, "but I can't. I can't promise that I will always consult with you regarding a punishment, or that I won't override what you want. I can't promise you this as I have so many times before because I think we've both come to realize that this is a promise I am unable to manage."

Esme nodded her head in agreement.

"I will promise you, though," I continued to speak, "that I will _try_ my damndest to treat you with the respect and trust you are more than deserving of. I trust you with my life, and I trust you with the children's lives, but…" I trailed off, biting my lower lip as I pondered whether I should continue with this train of thought, and if so, how to phrase it.

"But," my wife prodded with an encouraging look.

"You have led a sheltered life," I began delicately, deciding to quicken my explanation at her incredulous look. "I do not refer to your human life. I would never presume to minimize the pain you suffered then. What I mean is that since I turned you, I have sheltered you from the horrors of our world as much as I have sheltered any of the children."

Esme's incredulous look vanished to be replaced with a contemplative frown. She was clearly intrigued by what I was saying.

"I know I have explained to you many of my experiences prior to coming to the States, and I have explained to you about the Volturi, but to be honest, no amount of explanation is sufficient. You have not had my experiences. You have not seen how cruel and horrifying our world can be. Yes, you've been exposed some to the dangers of the Volturi because of what Edward, Alice, and Bella went through, but…" I once more trailed off, letting out a harsh sigh as I rubbed the back of my neck. No longer looking at Esme I continued speaking before she could say anything.

"These are excuses I know, and they do not entirely excuse my behavior, but I need you to at least somewhat understand my reasoning." I finally fell silent and looked by towards my wife. Her brow was furrowed as she no doubt processed what I had said.

"You're right that your explanation doesn't excuse your actions," she suddenly declared, "but you're also right that I have truly not experienced much of the dark side of the world we live in. You have protected our family more than I have realized, and I can't help but love you more for that." She sported a soft smile as she closed the gap between us. "I'm still hurt," she added honestly, "and I'm not happy with your inability to promise that you will not treat me like this again, but I understand. I _truly_ understand your reasoning, but don't expect me to be happy about it. I will not stop calling you out and getting angry and frustrated when you dismiss and ignore my thoughts. Despite whatever arguments or problems we may get into, though," she stated, "my love for you will never change. You and the children are my life, and we are stuck with each other through all the good and all the bad."

Warmth spread through me at her words, a soft smile adorning my face as I pulled her in for a loving kiss. Pulling her into a tight embrace then, I whispered a fervent thank you into her hair before we broke apart. "You are my rock," I declared strongly. "You keep me grounded, and I am more than happy for you to fight me…although it may not seem like it at the time," I finished with some humor. She let out a snort before gazing at me with serious eyes.

"You're determined to go through with Eleazar's punishment?" she questioned, and my stomach twisted at the reminder before I gave her a firm nod. "I am." She gave her own nod before I then explained how Eleazar had decided he and I go on a little trip for a couple days where he would then take care of the punishment.

She was quiet for several moments, and I could see that she was thinking something over. "Very well," she murmured before straightening. "While you pack I am going to speak to Eleazar."

"Esme," I sighed, "Please do not try and stop this."

"I'm not," she replied. "I just plan to issue a warning that he will have to deal with me should he harm you in any way." Her face was serious and her eyes determined. I was touched by her sudden protectiveness, and decided there was no use in trying to stop her; so I just gave an understanding nod, suddenly sporting an amused smile at the thought of my sweet wife threatening Eleazar. The man could handle my temper, but I knew he wouldn't be able to handle my wife's as easily.

 **A/N:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Warnings**

A/N: Normally, I like to post chapters day by day, but I'm just posting it all at once. It's all done, so no reason to wait.

 **Esme's POV:**

My mind whirled with thoughts of the conversation I'd just had with Carlisle, but I pushed them aside for the moment, deciding to focus just on the task at hand. I was going to talk to Eleazar to make sure he knew what he was doing, and to warn him that he would suffer not only my wrath, but that of our entire family if any one of us felt he'd been too hard on my beloved. Carlisle may feel he could handle whatever Eleazar had planned, but I wasn't so confident. I didn't doubt his fortitude, but a spanking would put him in a vulnerable state as he'd need to let down his defenses. I knew how to deal with that, but Eleazar didn't know Carlisle as well as I did. I needed him to know what could transpire if things went wrongly.

Listening intently around the house, I knew Eleazar was with Carmen in his room. I walked with determination to their room, glad to see the door already open. It would have been quite awkward had I interrupted an intimate moment between them. Giving a polite yet unnecessary knock to let them know I was here I was promptly given permission to enter. Eleazar was stuffing clothes into a bag while Carmen was standing off to the side. She looked mildly upset as she looked at me, but I knew she wasn't upset with me. Looking towards Eleazar, he locked eyes with me before letting out a sigh. He looked unsurprised to see me, and I realized he had anticipated this.

"Esme," he began in a placating tone, but I cut him off with a sharp wave of my hand.

"I'm not here to stop you," I declared, and his mouth closed, surprise mixed with curiosity adorning his face.

"Carlisle has made up his mind, and I know better than to try and talk him out of this," I continued, to which Eleazar just gave slow nod. He was no doubt wondering why I was here then.

"Your husband is as stubborn as mine," Carmen declared in frustration. "I have tried to reason with Eleazar that this is unnecessary, but he insists otherwise." I graced her with a grateful look.

"I have not explained to you everything that Carlisle and I discussed, mi amor," Eleazar defended calmly. "I am truly sorry you are not in agreement, but this matter is between our hermanito and me. I have warned that man repeatedly of the consequences of allowing his temper to get the better of him"—

"And I believe he has suffered the consequences already," Carmen stated hotly. "Can you not see the state of their family?"

I watched the couple argue back and forth about my husband's punishment, and felt this situation was rather surreal. I wondered if this is what Carlisle and I looked like when we argued over one of the children's punishments. Most likely yes.

I silently listened for a little more, touched by the obvious love both of them had for Carlisle. They both considered him a younger brother, and I was immensely grateful that I had people willing to look out for my husband. Now, while I appreciated Carmen's fervent defense, I knew Carlisle well enough that he needed the consequences Eleazar had promised him, despite what she and I felt about the matter. It was time to interrupt.

I cleared my throat noisily, gaining both their attention. "Carmen, thank you, truly, for your defense of Carlisle," I began, my eyes displaying my immense appreciation, "but I feel whether you convince Eleazar not to go through with this or not, Carlisle's mind is set. He feels deserving of punishment, and once that thought enters his mind there is no changing it. Believe me, I've been through this before with him."

Eleazar gave a satisfied nod while Carmen let out a sad sigh. "I understand, but that does not mean I am happy about this, or happy with you," she stated, giving her husband a glare. I felt amused at the sudden uncomfortable shifting that Eleazar was suddenly doing.

Pushing this amusement aside, I decided it was time to get to the point. "The reason I am here," I spoke, causing the couple to look at me, "is to make sure this punishment of yours does not go too far."

"I would never hurt Carlisle," Eleazar immediately declared. "This is not the first spanking I have delivered."

"You do not know Carlisle as well as I do," I insisted, "and you do not know how badly his experiences with his father have affected him. If you do not tread carefully he will fall back into old habits and completely shut himself off, which would make this entire punishment useless."

"I know of the abuse he suffered, Esme, and I assure you," he insisted, "that he will not"—

"You know very little about what he suffered at the hands of that monster," I growled heatedly, anger flaring up at the mention of the _man_ who had caused my husband so much pain. "I know you and Carlisle are close, as close as brothers, but there are still things he has not shared with you, such as his worse memories or even his experience of the first time I punished him."

The Spaniard frowned deeply, giving me a searching gaze. I could tell he was upset by what I said, both at the fact that Carlisle had not been so open with him, and at the implication that he would cause Carlisle harm. Several quiet moments passed before he asked, "What do I need to know? The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him."

"I know," I immediately replied, "your love for him is obvious, which is the only reason I am not fighting either of you about what is to happen." I paused, eyeing him up and down before continuing to speak. "I'm going to be point blank with you and tell you that when you punish him you must have him over your knees. If you have him bend over anything, he will be more likely to fall into a flashback, and you won't even realize it."

"I see," the older man mused, a look of surprise on his face, "that is good to know as I had not been planning on putting him over my knee."

I sighed wearily. I was glad I had decided to talk to him, but I will admit to feeling guilty that I was speaking so openly about Carlisle to Eleazar. I knew Carlisle would never have wanted Eleazar to know any of the details of his past punishments, but this could not be avoided. Eleazar needed to know this, unfortunately.

"He will fight you on this, and if he does, ask him to explain to you what happened during his first punishment with me. Also," I decided to add, "he may push you to punish him harder. Carlisle can be quite masochistic when he is feeling guilty."

"On that note, you have nothing to fear," Eleazar assured me. "Carlisle will not feel the need to ask for anymore punishment once I am through with him."

"Good," I replied with a single nod before gracing him with a foreboding look. "You had better not cause him any harm because I swear I will tear you apart if any damage is done; and after I am finished with you, my children will deal with whatever is left."

Eleazar's eyebrows rose in surprise, his eyes widening as his own wife added, "Heed her warning, Eleazar, because she would not be the only one to be angry with you should you cause Carlisle any harm. I also have no doubt Tanya, Kate, and Irina would join in as well."

"Ladies, _please_ have a little more faith in me," Eleazar declared holding up defensive hands. "I swear to you that I will not cause Carlisle any harm. Apart from a sore backside, I will return your husband in one piece with no lasting damage. He will always be safe with me, I promise you," he stated seriously.

I pursed my lips, eyeing him for any hint of deceit or uncertainty. Finding kindness, understanding, and determination in his expression I responded with a single nod and a sad sigh.

"Very well," I sighed. "Please take care of him, Eleazar," I now pleaded. "Carlisle does not do well when he is in a vulnerable state. He is still not accustomed to displaying what he deems to be weakness in himself."

Eleazar voiced his understanding and promises to take care of my husband once more, and I finally felt there was no more that needed to be said. I would just have to trust that this man knew what he was doing, and what he was getting into; and I hoped that my love was prepared for what was to come.

I gave Eleazar my thanks, shot him one last warning look before leaving to head back to my room.

 **Edward's POV:**

I slowed my run to a walk as I approached the Denali house. I was looking forward to just sitting at the piano and composing a new piece of music. I had been hit with a sudden inspiration while I was with my brothers, and when their endless bantering and bickering had begun to bore me, I had decided to just head home.

Using my senses and gift I quickly assessed that my parents along with Eleazar and Carmen were the only ones home. My plan to play the piano shifted to suddenly wanting to spend some time with my parents. It was very rare to find myself alone with them, and although we lived together in the same house I found myself missing the one on one time we used to have. As much as I tried to hide it, I could not deny that I still felt some resentment at times of having to share my parents with siblings. Those moments were few and far between, though, especially since I'd found Bella.

I was starting to walk up the stairs when I finally registered the thoughts that were going on in the house. I froze as I listened in, focusing on my parents first before shifting over to Eleazar. What I heard in his thoughts alarmed me, and I rushed to my parent's room. I was surprised to not see Mom, but quickly assessed that she'd gone to speak with Eleazar. My eyes zeroed in on Dad who had paused his packing to glance up at me. He immediately closed his mind off to me, but knowing it was too late, let out a sigh before motioning me in.

"Eleazar is going to—are you really—I can't believe—are you sure—you don't have to do this, Dad!" I exclaimed, giving him a shocked and concerned look.

Dad responded with a simple loving smile before resuming his packing once more. Why was he so frustrating?

"Why are you doing this?" I had to ask. "Is it because of the warning Eleazar gave you the last time you were here? Is he forcing this on you?"

"How did you know about—No, this is not being forced on me. Eleazar and I discussed this, and yes, he did warn me, but I also agree that this…this is warranted," he replied. "I don't really expect you to understand, but I really made a mistake with you kids, and with Esme," he admitted, suddenly shamefaced. It was weird to see such an expression on his face. "My mistakes always result in you guys being harmed. I lose my temper and I hurt you whether physically, emotionally, or both," he explained grimly. "I deserve whatever Eleazar has planned for me, I assure you."

I heard what he was saying, but I still didn't quite understand and nor did I quite agree. I had to talk him out of this, especially since I was sure he didn't know what Eleazar had planned for him.

"He's using a strap, Dad, a _strap_!" I informed him loudly. "You don't deserve _that_."

I watched as his eyes widened, his face paled, and he murmured a quiet, "Oh." He stopped his packing and slowly sat down on the edge of his bed. His eyes expressed turmoil while his face was blank. He was unconsciously attempting to hide his emotions from me, but he was failing, at least to a certain degree. I could see fear, though, plain as day, and that was an expression I _never_ wanted to see on my father's face.

"You don't deserve that, Dad," I repeated insistently. "I mean I-I've never been spanked with a strap, but I know what a belt feels like so-so"—

"I know what a strap feels like," he interrupted quietly. "It has a similar feel to a belt, so yes, it will hurt," he murmured, and I felt he was talking more to himself at this point. A grimace crossed his face, a hand running through his hair in agitation.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I suddenly heard Mom say, and I whirled around to face her, so focused on Dad that I hadn't noticed her enter the room. I was about to open my mouth to say something when Dad lifted the block on his mind and mentally shouted, _Edward Anthony Cullen, do not even think about telling her what you just told me!_

I couldn't help the flinch I gave at the suddenly stern order he'd just given him, and I immediately turned to give him a mildly hurt look. I only wanted to help him. I _never_ wanted to see my father go through something like this—not my strong, courageous, loving father.

"What did you just say to him, Carlisle?" Mom then asked, our exchange not having gone unnoticed at all.

"Edward has read all our minds so he knows what is about to happen," Dad explained, ignoring Mom's question entirely. "He is here trying to convince me otherwise."

My mother's eyes softened and she caressed my cheek softly. I frowned, giving her a look of shock. "You're okay with this? _Why?_ " I had to ask. "I don't understand."

"You don't need to understand, son," Dad replied, and Mom sighed before responding. "Your father has his reasons, and you should respect his decision."

This was absurd. "But why?!" I exclaimed, wanting them to give me a better answer. "I don't want this, and I'm sure Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie wouldn't want this either. No matter what's happened recently, you don't owe us anything, Dad. You don't have to prove anything to us."

"I know that," he stated, walking over and placing both his hands on my shoulders, "but I am not doing this for you so that I can earn forgiveness or prove anything. I am doing this so that I can forgive myself, and so that I can hopefully learn to consider my actions more carefully the next time I decide to punish any of you. In a round-about-way I suppose this is about all of you as I am trying to assure I do not let my anger get the best of me, but I am mostly doing this for me."

I heard his words and I had a better understanding of why he wanted this, but I still wasn't happy. I felt a childish stubbornness or protectiveness come over me as I told him, "I don't want you to do this. I don't want to see you in pain, it's not right. You're my dad," I finished pathetically, embarrassed yet uncaring at how pitiful I must've sounded.

 _Oh Edward, my beloved son_ , my father thought as he pulled me into a tight hug. I returned it tightly, wanting to hold onto him and keep him from going. I never liked hearing of him getting punished corporally. The first time after the incident with Emmett I had been understanding. It had been upsetting, but somehow touching to know how far he'd go to atone for his actions. The second time, though, when I'd been… _gone_ I'd been extremely bothered by hearing what had happened. I was so upset that he blamed himself at all for anything that I'd done. Everything the family had gone through was my fault, and while I'd certainly suffered my father's wrath upon my return, I'd hated and felt guilty at the fact that he'd also suffered a similar fate a month prior.

Now here he was once more about to receive punishment, and I was part of the reason. In fact, such as with his first punishment, Bella, my siblings and I were responsible for pushing him past his limit. Our childish behavior had led to this. I felt guilty, and I felt worried. It wasn't Mom who was doling out the punishment this time, it was Eleazar. I knew Eleazar was a brother to Dad and that he loved him, but he was planning on using a strap, which Dad had been punished with quite often as a child.

"I don't want to see you hurt because we were stupid," I mumbled into his chest, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around him. "It's our fault you're guilty."

 _No, no, no, my little man, none of you are to blame,_ he thought to me. "Look at me," he spoke aloud, attempting to break apart, but still feeling childishly stubborn, I refused to let him go. "Edward," he sighed, "Please let me go and look me in the eyes."

"No, I won't let you go," I declared, and instead of continuing to fight me, my father hugged me once more, placing a kiss on my head as he fully opened his mind to me.

 _Read my thoughts, Edward, read my thoughts. See why I need to do this_ he told me mentally. I didn't want to really understand, but I couldn't help but be drawn into his thoughts. So rarely did he allow me to delve so deeply into his psyche, not since he'd learned how to block me.

Using my gift I scanned through his thoughts, witnessing the conversation between him and Eleazar earlier today along with his conversation with Mom. I'd already witnessed some of this through the others' minds, but seeing it through Dad's eyes was different. The next thoughts shocked me as they were memories from that dreaded week. They were snippets only, but I saw the absolute fury, terror, and hurt that tore through his mind the entire time. I saw how he did let his anger get the best of him, and how he had effectively shut out Mom. I saw the hurt he caused us through his eyes and it was absolutely horrifying and intriguing at the same time. I saw his growing realization and guilt at what he'd done, and I now truly understood why he needed this. I understood the gnawing pain of guilt and the need for atonement so that he could not only be forgiven, but forgive himself.

I finally released my hold and gave the man a sad yet understanding nod. He graced me with a small smile as he ruffled my hair. _Thank you_. I let out a huff before I then felt Mom place a hand on my shoulder. She gave it a squeeze. _I know this is difficult, Edward, but you must let him do this._ I turned towards her, murmuring a quiet, "I know."

We heard footsteps headed towards us, and by the gait and scent we knew it was Eleazar. Dad immediately flashed over to his bag, putting in the last of his items before hitching the backpack over his left shoulder.

"Are you ready, Carlisle?" Eleazar questioned when he was standing in the doorway.

I heard a flurry of anxious thoughts rush through my father as he calmly responded, "Yes, I'm ready."

Eleazar nodded before turning to me and greeting me with a smile. I couldn't help but glare. "If you even think about hurting _my_ dad, I will rip you apart and feed your remains to the wolves."

"Edward, there was no need for that!" Dad reprimanded sharply, his eyes widened in surprise. "Apologize."

Like hell I will, I thought, ready to share my thoughts but Eleazar held up a hand and simply said, "I understand, Edward, _Your_ papà will be returned to you safely in a couple days." He gave me an understanding smile, but I just looked away and let out a huff.

" _Edward_ ," my dad warned, his voice deepening, and I darted my eyes to him and decided to give him a puppy eyed stare. "I was just trying to protect you," I explained, purposefully sounding younger than I was.

He let out a scoff, rolling his eyes, completely aware of what I was trying to do. Damn. This used to work on him. I suppose having six kids had made him immune to this trick. He came up, ruffled my hair, gave Mom a kiss and then headed out the door with Eleazar. I watched them go and then turned to envelop my mother in a hug as I had heard the sudden flurry of worried thoughts that fluttered through her mind.

 **Carlisle's POV:**

"I'm sorry about Edward or whatever it is Esme may have said to you," I immediately said to Eleazar as we walked out of the house. "I've found they can be as protective of me as I am of them."

Eleazar gave a light laugh as he picked up what looked to be a tent bag and threw it to me. "It is no problem," he reassured me. "I find their protectiveness endearing. You are very lucky to have them."

"Yes," I replied softly before giving him a questioning look about the tent. He interpreted my unasked question and held up a packaged cot while simply answering, "You'll want it. Lying on a cot away from the elements will be preferable to you than on wet ground." And with those words, he began to run. My stomach flip-flopped at his words, but I decided not to analyze them anymore as I took off after him. He was in charge right now, and I would trust that he knew what he was doing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Stubborn Resolve**

 **Carlisle's POV:**

I was high up in a tree gazing out into the forest and doing everything I could to keep my mind off what would be happening shortly. We had arrived to our destination, a beautiful clearing alongside a lake, virtually untouched by humans. We would not be disturbed or happened upon by anyone. Shortly after arriving we'd quickly set up the tent and the cot. From another bag he'd brought, he pulled out blankets and a pillow and spread them on the cot and then on the floor. He was making a comfortable little home here. Eyeing the cot warily I wondered what its purpose was yet decided not to ask. Eleazar told me he needed an hour to himself at this point, and I had happily acquiesced, figuring he needed time to mentally prepare himself. It's what I would've done.

The hour was up, and as punctual as ever I was unsurprised to hear footsteps quickly arriving at our camp. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I let out a breath before making my way down, jumping when I was 100 feet from the ground. I landed lithely, straightening up and walking towards my oldest friend. He motioned for me to head into the tent, and I did, once more throwing the cot a wary look. He wasn't planning on…no, he wouldn't…would he?

I turned around and watched as Eleazar walked in. Thankfully, this tent was large enough that we could both stand inside of it without hitting our heads. "Take a seat," he said, motioning towards the cot. "I believe we should speak before I begin spanking you."

I flinched internally at the word while giving him a single nod. The feelings that were suddenly evoked in me were unfamiliar and old. I quickly realized that a punishment from Eleazar was going to be different, at least emotionally speaking than with Esme. Sitting down and staring up at my brother my memories flashed to me sitting in front of Arthur right before I was to be punished. I did not like this. I did not like suddenly feeling so _young_.

"When Esme came to speak to me she did not attempt to talk me out of this," he began, and I gave a nod, already knowing this. "She wanted to make sure that I did not unintentionally harm you or push you into a flashback, so she informed me that one way to go about this was to have you over my knees when I spank you. Now, this was not how I initially"…

I tuned out what else he was saying, my mind flooding with embarrassment and some betrayal. Esme had told him this? _Why_ would she do something like that? I didn't need any special considerations for when I was being punished. Anger and hurt now welled up in me as I stated, "Punish me how you planned to, El, not how my wife told you to. This is not how she should have intervened."

Heavy silence was the response I received, and when I gave Eleazar my full attention once more I found him looking at me with narrowed eyes and a displeased expression on his face.

"What?" I questioned, finding his look somewhat unnerving.

"You have not been listening to what I have been saying," he responded slowly, slight incredulity in his tone. His gaze became more analytical at this point, and he looked me up and down slowly before locking eyes with me once more.

"You will be spanked over my knees, Carlisle Cullen, and do not become angry because your wife sought to help you out," he spoke smoothly. "Furthermore, when I am talking, you will listen, and when I ask a question, you will answer it. I never thought this would be something I would need to tell you, but alas here we are."

I bristled slightly at his tone and the way he was speaking to me as though I were a child. I gave him a nod of acknowledgment though, not wishing to anger him.

"Explain to me what happened the first time your wife spanked you," my brother demanded, and my eyes widened at the question, not understanding at all why he would ask.

"How is that pertinent to this?" I questioned incredulously. "What happened was private, and I have no desire to"—

"I need you to explain why it is best that I spank you over my lap, so that you understand why I am taking Esme's advice to heart," he explained. "I am not doing this to embarrass you, please understand that. I just want to make sure I do not hurt you. I would never want you to confuse me with your father."

I really did not want to, but I understood his reasoning, so against my better judgment I gave him a very brief and somewhat vague account of what happened to cause Esme to believe spanking me over her knees was the best method. When I finished I took a deep and calming breath. I was agitated, and having to recount this had only made things worse. I began to tap the fingers of my right hand against my leg, a nervous habit I was never able to rid myself of.

"So you had no flashbacks when over her knee?" Eleazar questioned, and I fought back embarrassment as I replied, "No. It wasn't a position Samuel ever used with me, so I found it easier to remain in the present. That was then, though," I rushed to add, "and things have changed. I'm not the way I used to be and I don't think I will react the same way. Esme was just being overly cautious when she spoke to you."

Eleazar appeared thoughtful before shaking his head. "No, I will heed your wife's advice and put you over my knees. I will not risk a flashback based off of what you _think_."

"Eleazar, honestly," I spoke exasperatedly, "this is ridiculous. You said so yourself that you had not planned on punishing me this way, so just do what you had originally planned and forget what Esme told you."

My brother just shook his head at me in clear disappointment. "Still so easy to dismiss what Esme says," he spoke with a sigh before adding, "and since when does the punished get to decide how they are punished? Do you allow your children to dictate the position they are spanked?" I opened my mouth to say something, but he waved away my words. "That was a rhetorical question because I already know you always put them over your knee, except when using your belt."

I gave him a look of surprise, wondering how he knew this. I didn't exactly go into detail with him of how I punished my vamplings.

"Your niños have told me of some of their experiences," he expanded, correctly interpreting my unasked question. "They were not really complaining so much as trying to gain my sympathy," he added with a small smile, and I said nothing in response. It didn't really bother me that they talked about it. I was more surprised than anything knowing that they preferred to keep such things a secret. It was a testament to how comfortable they felt with Eleazar, though, that they would speak so openly with him.

"Anyways," Eleazar continued, "my decision has been made in regards to how you will be punished, so further argument will only make things worse for you." I gritted my teeth in frustration, yet said nothing as I more than believed he would follow through with his threat. Besides, his comment regarding how dismissive I was of Esme's concerns hit me hard as I recognized the truth behind his words.

"Something else your wife said to me was regarding the fact that you have not been entirely forthcoming with me concerning the abuse you suffered as a child," he then stated. "Now, I would never presume to force you to talk to me of such things, but as I've already mentioned, I do not want to unknowingly induce a flashback and be confused for that man; so, if there is anything you'd like to say, now would be the time."

I considered how to respond. I was a private person, and I had kept from him the worst of my memories. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was just that I was a private person, not to mention there was never really a proper time to bring this up. I had never felt he _needed_ to know, so I had never brought it up. Was there anything he needed to know now? Well, there was one thing I could tell him, but should I? He was using a strap, something I was quite familiar with courtesy of my dear father; but he didn't need to know that. I would be just fine. Besides, the strap wasn't that different from a belt, and I had managed with that before.

"No, there is nothing more you need to know," I informed him firmly, but instead of just letting things go he narrowed his eyes slightly.

"Are you sure?" He questioned doubtfully.

"I am sure," I stated firmly.

"Very well, I will take you at your word that there is nothing more I need to know," he stated smoothly, and I heard an unspoken warning in there. He would not be pleased if he knew I kept from him the fact that a strap could likely bring up memories. I was not planning on that happening, though.

"Let us move on to what led you into this situation," he then said, motioning a hand towards me to indicate I should begin speaking. Temper quickly diffused, feelings of guilt resurfaced and I stumbled over an explanation.

"I'm here—the reason—I lost my temper," I finally managed to stammer, shame now welling up inside of me along with the guilt. "I allowed my anger to overshadow the fear and hurt I was feeling, and in doing so I was too hard on my children, harder than I should have been. I hid behind the façade of coven leader to justify my actions." I paused for a moment, and found it increasingly difficult to maintain eye contact with Eleazar. "I also shut out Esme. I ordered her not to interfere, knowing she would have tried to stop me, and probably would have succeeded. I lost my temper," I repeated regretfully, "and that is unforgivable." I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands.

"Incredibly foolish, my brother, but not unforgivable, _never_ unforgivable," Eleazar refuted, kneeling down in front of me and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You love them and they love you, there is no doubt. You are a family, and families always forgive each other."

I snorted, the cynical part of me knowing that his last comment at least was not always true.

Eleazar interpreted my snort, and amended his statement, " _Your_ family will always forgive each other. And know this, Carlisle, you are not here in order to earn their forgiveness, are you?"

I looked up into his eyes and shook my head negatively. "No, I am not," I admitted honestly. "I am here so that I can forgive myself, and so that I can hopefully learn to better curb this temper of mine."

"Thank you for your honesty," the older man responded softly before standing back up. "And I am here to offer a deterrent, a _reminder_ of what you can expect should something like this ever occur again."

I grimaced while giving a single nod of understanding. There was really no response I could give to that. A thank you wasn't really appropriate for this situation as I really wasn't feeling very appreciative despite how deserving this upcoming punishment was.

"We have known each other many years, Carlisle," Eleazar said, "and in those years I have seen the situations your temper has landed you in. When living with the Volturi it surfaced quite often, and I regret not stepping in earlier. If I had perhaps I could have prevented the… _events_ that occurred shortly afterwards." I gave an internal flinch, the memories of the aforementioned event rising. Caius was not someone to be pushed, and I had learned that the hard way.

"You left Volterra soon after, and we parted ways for quite a number of years as you made your way to the States," he recounted. "We continued to correspond through letters, but I did not see you again until shortly after you turned Edward. Already I could see a change in you, a change that only intensified when you then turned Esme. With the addition of each family member I noticed you growing up, you could say. Not to say you were not already very mature, but now having the responsibility of a family, you became a better man. Your control over your emotions, specifically your temper increased, and I couldn't have been more proud."

My eyes widened at his declaration, a warmth spreading in me. Having Eleazar tell me he was proud was somehow different than my wife or children saying it to me. It was no doubt due to the fact that I looked up to this man. I had since we had first met. Though he had not been a vampire for very many years, he had already seemed so comfortable with what he was, and so self-assured. I had been battling inner demons for so many years all alone, yet here was a man who had adapted and accepted his situation like it was nothing. I had envied him.

"You have come along way, hermanito, a very long way since we first met," Eleazar continued, giving me a soft smile. The smile quickly faded, though, to be replaced with a stern expression. "However, while you have gained better control over your emotions, there have still been times where you have failed to rein in that temper. While in your younger years your temper hurt only yourself, this time it was your children and wife who suffered the most. I cannot stand you harming only yourself, Carlisle, and even less so harming your family. I am stepping in because I do not want you to end up doing something that you will regret for the rest of your existence. Each time you've let your anger control you, the results have been disastrous. It has never been a small event with you." Everything he said was true, but at this moment I could not help but equate Bella with myself. Not too long ago I'd said something similar to her, at least in regards to the sort of trouble she got into. Every time she got into trouble, it was always a huge fiasco, and as time went on it ended up involving more and more of the family. I filed these thoughts away, turning my focus back towards Eleazar who was still speaking.

"Your mistakes affect everyone not only because you are the patriarch and coven leader, but because you close yourself off to the feelings of those around you when you get like this. You suppress your own feelings, and to do so you also suppress the wellbeing of your family. This _cannot continue to happen!_ " he exclaimed passionately, and my eyes widened at the emotions he was giving off.

"I love you, and I love your family. In fact, you are all family to me. You a brother, Esme a sister, and your children nieces and nephews," he said, his tone much softer now and filled with love. "I will not—I _cannot_ stand by and watch you destroy your life because you allow your temper to get the best of you. A spanking may seem childish, and embarrassing to you, but if this is what it will take to get you to _think_ before you act, then so be it," he declared. "I do not want to humiliate you. I do not want to dominate you. I only want to correct and teach."

"Eleazar," I felt the need to speak up, giving him a loving, understanding look. "You do not need to tell me this. You do not need to justify your actions. I know all this. I know it because I have spoken these exact words countless times to my own children. I am touched yet unsurprised by how much you love me and my family," I explained. "I will not and could not ever hate you for what is about to happen; although that doesn't mean I won't complain or even argue with you," I had to add with a smile.

He let out a short laugh, and I noted the relief in his face. I empathized with him completely right now. I'd had this sort of conversation many times with each one of my children, so I did not want him to doubt what he was doing.

"I suppose this is a situation you have found yourself in many times," he mused out loud, and I was the one to let out a short laugh at this point.

"Oh, just a time or two," I responded, giving him a grin as I ran a hand through my hair.

The levity was good, and we both exchanged smiles before the reality of the situation hit us both. Our smiles faded, and Eleazar's expression was once more serious.

"You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?" he questioned, and my brow furrowed slightly in confusion at the unexpected question.

"Of course," I answered honestly.

"I will not bother asking about the past, but I will urge that in the future if you ever feel as though your emotions are becoming unstable, or if you ever feel overwhelmed, _please call me_ ," he insisted, his gaze earnest. "I will always be here for you whenever you need it. Call me or just come here; or I can come to you. If you do not feel comfortable talking to Esme or just feel that you cannot, then please, _please_ seek me out, Carlisle.

I was momentarily speechless at his plea, but after a few stunned seconds I quickly responded with an affirmative. "I promise, El, that if I ever need to, I will call you. I apologize for never having done so before. It wasn't that I didn't trust you," I explained, "but it honestly never occurred to me. Even after all these years I still find it difficult to seek help."

"Well do not ever feel that way with me," he responded. "We've known each other a long time, and I would like to think that by now I have gained your trust."

"Of course you have, Eleazar, you must believe that!" I immediately exclaimed. "I have always trusted you. The problem has always been me, though. No matter how much I trust people, I still cannot help but keep things in. This is a learned habit that I have had immense difficulties in overcoming. I'm getting better, I know I am, but I still have a ways to go."

My brother looked me straight in the eyes, gauging my sincerity before nodding his head. "I believe you," he said with a sad sigh. "I also believe you need help with this, so I issue this warning." I gave an internal grown, already foreseeing what was coming. "If I ever find out that you've become overwhelmed by any situation, or that you've let your emotions get the best of you, and you did _not_ seek anyone's help, whether Esme's or mine, you and I will find ourselves right back here in this same position. Neither of us wants that, so promise me that you will ask for help when you need it, and that I will never have to go through with my threat."

"I promise, Eleazar," I told him with the utmost sincerity. "I promise to seek out help when I need it from either Esme or you. As you said, neither one of us wants to end up in this situation again." That was the God honest truth right there. Not only was this situation unbearably embarrassing, but it was going to soon become very painful. Here I was a grown man about to have my backside tanned, and all my family would know it when I would be unable to sit comfortably for some time. I thanked God that not only my wife, but especially my children could be so understanding and mature about this. I was also incredibly lucky that I had not ever lost their respect because not only of my mistakes, but because I too was subject to the same if not more severe punishment.

"Very well, Carlisle," the Spaniard finally declared, "I believe it is time we get this over with." My stomach flip flopped and my muscles tensed. Anxiety instantly flooded through my system, only increasing when I watched him walk to his bag. I knew what he was doing, but the childish part of me could not help but chant in my head over and over, 'please not the strap, please not the strap'.

Damn, it's the strap, was my next thought when he pulled out the piece of leather. Instantly I noticed it was both wider and thicker than my belt, and I knew that meant it would no doubt provide a harsher sting. This was going to be dreadful.

Watching as he now walked towards me I felt a brief moment of panic and had to suddenly resist the ridiculous urge to either run or beg that he not use that damned strap. Why in the world did he even have _that_? Curiosity got the best of me, or maybe I wanted to postpone the inevitable so I asked him, "Why do you have that?"

Eleazar raised an eyebrow, glanced down at the instrument before looking back at me. "I received in during my time with the Volturi. It was few and far between, but occasionally I would be called on to discipline some of the guard. It proved to be quite effective with them, so I hope it will be able to prove just as effective with you."

"Uh huh," was the only response I could give as I was unfortunately hit with several images of Father holding a strap and readying to deliver another lesson to me. I shut my eyes, gave a shake of my head, and stood up. Moving aside I left the cot open for Eleazar to take.

Eleazar walked to the cot, giving me a comforting squeeze on the shoulder before taking a seat. He set the strap down next to him and motioned for me to stand over on his right side. If my heart could still beat, it would've been pounding so loudly he would no doubt have heard it. I stopped breathing, afraid I would start hyperventilating. I could not help the nervous tick I had of tapping the fingers of my right hand on my thigh, though.

"Lose the jeans, please," he ordered, and I let out a quiet groan before acquiescing. It wasn't as though I was surprised, but I still could not help but hope that he would somehow skip this step. As he then guided me over his knee I wondered briefly if I would be allowed the protection of my boxers, but that wish was quickly dashed when he deftly pulled them down to my knees. Damn. I fidgeted slightly over his lap, tensing once more when he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. I crossed my arms and buried my head in them, determined as always to remain as silent as I could for as long as I could.

It seemed Eleazar read my mind because his next words were, "I know how you detest coming off as weak, hermanito, but I assure you that is not a word I would ever use to describe you. Not only that, as I am no doubt has already been told to you, crying is not a sign of weakness, especially during a spanking. This is time for you to release your guilt and any other emotions you have bottled up. Let it go, because holding it in will only make things worse for you."

I heard his words and I understood them, I truly did, but I was not confident that I would be able to give in so easily. I was unsure I would be able to let go as he wanted me to, or as I knew I needed to. I was too nervous and keyed up right now. Fear of the strap was strong in my mind, and to keep from freaking out or falling into a flashback, I needed to stay in control. I would not confuse this caring man with Samuel Cullen.

" _Carlisle_ ," Eleazar growled, "I can feel your stubbornness to give in even now, and that is _not acceptable_!" I let out a loud gasp as he'd accentuated those last two words with two hard swats. "Let go of that damned self control or this punishment will not work, do you understand me?" he questioned, the swats falling haphazardly.

"I understand," I responded, gritting my teeth at a particularly hard swat. Eleazar said no more at this point as he found his rhythm. His hand came down at an even tempo, not too hard but definitely not light, and he made sure to cover every inch of my backside. The burn was beginning to build, but keeping quiet was easy at this point. I knew it would not be like this for long, though.

The spanking had already been going on for several minutes and the burn was causing me to tightly grit my teeth in order to keep from yelping. He'd increased the intensity of the swats and I tensed all my muscles to keep from wriggling. Unfortunately, I knew that tensing was only increasing the pain, a fact that Eleazar knew.

"I know you are in pain, brother, but you need to try and relax your muscles because tensing only makes things harder on yourself," he advised. I gave a noise of acknowledgment, but otherwise ignored his comment. The sigh of frustration let me knew that he realized this, and his hand began to come down even faster now. Having been in his position before I knew he was aiming to break through my resolve to stay quiet. He wanted me to let go of my control, but I wasn't—I _couldn't_ afford to do that. I wasn't going to embarrass myself by slipping into a flashback.

This resolve of mine took a heavy hit when the spanking stopped abruptly and I heard him pick up the strap. No, no, no, please no, I could not help but chant over and over in my head. Tears came to my eyes, and I once more had to stop breathing to keep from hyperventilating like a quivering child. I had to take this punishment like a man.

Eleazar took in a deep breath, and when he spoke, although his tone was stern and even frustrated, I could hear an undercurrent of sadness and disappointment. "I am not quite sure why you are acting like this, Carlisle, but I will break through your stubbornness whether you allow me to or not. I had not planned on using the strap so early in your punishment, but you are forcing my hand. Now, before I begin I am going to give you a chance to explain yourself. _Please_ take advantage of this," he urged, a note of pleading in his voice.

I shifted uncomfortably now, my mind split between focusing on the awful burn in my backside, why I was here, pushing away old memories, and guilt for what I was doing to my brother. I struggled with what exactly to say to him, not wanting to admit my weaknesses. I did not want special considerations because I had _still_ yet to overcome my _ancient_ traumas.

"I'm sorry, El," I finally managed to say, feeling truly apologetic.

"I see," he responded in clear disappointment, his left hand coming down on the small of my back. I couldn't help but flinch, but he was only giving me a soothing rub.

"How about you tell me once more what has brought you into this situation?" he then stated. "Why are you receiving this spanking?"

I withheld my own sigh of frustration now before dutifully answering him. "I am here because I let my temper get the best of me. I allowed my anger to lead my actions, and used my authority as a coven leader to justify my actions. I came down too hard on my children, especially Rosalie and Alice. I also completely shut out Esme," I admitted, guilt now consuming my body and mind. "I also used my authority as coven leader to order her to not interfere. I felt I knew best…," I had to stop my confession, a lump having formed in my throat since I was overcome with emotion. Tears welled up in my eyes, and it was several moments before I took in a shaky breath and finished my confession. "I felt I knew best as I have so many times before, and I made a mistake, a mistake that harmed my family. I don't want to do this again, Eleazar," I admitted emotionally. "I _can't_ do this again."

"I agree, and I understand," he replied softly, "and this is one way in which I hope to help you. I do not like causing you pain, but I truly hope the pain you are going through right now will prove a helpful deterrent. I warn you now, though, this strap will burn, and when I am through with you I guarantee you will find it not only difficult to sit, but difficult to walk. Do you understand?"

I swallowed back the whimper of fear that nearly escaped my mouth as I nodded my head. I didn't trust myself to speak, and thankfully or not thankfully he seemed to accept my silent nod as understanding. The comforting hand on my back went back to being wrapped tightly around my waist. My muscles once more tensed in those few seconds before I felt the first lick of the strap.

 _Crack!_

A yelp escaped me, and I could not stop the jolt I gave. That had stung something awful. _Definitely_ worse than the belt.

 _Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!_

The strap came down on my defenseless backside over and over again, and my resolve was severely tested. I wished I had a pillow or something to grab onto, and without realizing, I began to grab onto the edges of the cot, which caused them to start cracking.

" _Carlisle_ ," Eleazar spoke, the warning in his tone enough to spur me into immediately folding my arms on top of the cot before burying my head in them.

 _Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!_

Grunts and quiet yelps of pain now escaped me, and my legs kicked a little in a useless effort to rid myself of some of the pain. I bit down onto my fist, well aware of the fact that I was doing exactly what Jasper had done when I had whipped him, and I had not been happy with him. Knowing how hypocritical I was being right now, I began to feel self loathing increasing. The pain in my right hand helped though. I was able to focus my thoughts on the burn of venom in my hand rather than the ever growing burn in my backside. I hoped Eleazar would not notice what I was doing, but alas, I was as unlucky as Jasper had been. Perhaps more so, I thought in a moment of self pity. Eleazar was truly coming down on me harder than I would ever dream to come down on any of my impetuous vamplings.

" _Carlisle Cullen_!" Eleazar roared furiously, yanking my hand away from my mouth before pinning it tightly to my back. "How _dare_ you harm yourself in a damned _stupid_ attempt to keep yourself silent!"

 _CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!_

I immediately yelled out in pain, my breathing come out in harsh breaths as I noted Eleazar had paused in his punishment. I was certain he was not through with me.

"Stop this, _please_ , mi hermanito," he now begged. "This punishment will be useless if you do not let go. I do not know why you refuse to yell or cry in front of me, but I assure you I will think no less of you for doing so. You know as well as I how one is to react during a spanking. Tell yourself what you would tell anyone of your niños should they be acting the same as you. _Please_ , Carlisle, stop this foolishness because not only are you making things more difficult and painful for yourself, but you are also making it more difficult and painful for me as well.

It was the heartbroken tone that finally broke through my resolve. Putting myself through pain was one thing, but putting him through pain as well was unacceptable. He was also correct, though, that I would never want one of my children to react as I was. I would never and never had held against them the fact that they cried and pleaded for me to stop during a spanking. Esme had never held it against me the two times she had disciplined me, so why would I think Eleazar would be different. I was hurting him, and that had to stop. With those thoughts, I finally took in a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry, Eleazar," I spoke regrettably. "I will stop fighting you, I swear. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mumbled over and over until I heard my brother once more lift the dreaded strap.

"Very well, let us finish this," he sighed before the strap began to fall once more.

I immediately began to yell out, tears beginning to stream down my face as I dropped my barriers. This hurt. This hurt _bad_.

"I have said it before, but I need you to understand that I will not continue to stand by and watch you hurt your family and yourself," he lectured. "I care about all of you too much to do so. Your temper and stubbornness are your two worst traits, Carlisle, and I will be there every time you need me to help keep them in check. Seek me out when needed, and _trust me_!" he spoke emotionally and firmly, the strap now coming down even harder.

"I understand!" I screamed, sobs escaping me as I started to fight his grasp on me. It was embarrassing, but I started to twist in a miserable attempt to avoid the strap.

"Eleazar, _please_ , I'm sorry!" I found myself pleading, something I had never dreamed I would ever do. I certainly had never pleaded or attempted to escape punishment with Esme. I was quickly moving past embarrassment though, not to mention there was also the fact that I suddenly realized it was okay to act like this with Eleazar. He was my brother, my _older_ brother, and someone who I did not have to constantly be strong around.

"We are not through yet, brother," Eleazar soothed, rubbing the hand he still had pinned to my back.

My memories unwillingly began to turn towards punishments with my father at this point. The feel of Eleazar restraining my arm along with the feel of the strap reminded me so strongly of Father. I could feel myself slipping as the memories strengthened and as I attempted to escape the pain I was in. The memories finally took hold, and I felt like a child once more receiving another harsh punishment from Father for having let him down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cried, going completely still as I knew attempting to move away would incur a worse strapping.

"I swear I will do better!" I promised futilely, knowing that it never really mattered what I said. Father would punish me for as long as he wanted despite any promises or pleas on my part. That did not stop me from trying, though. I had yet to remain quiet as he always warned me to do. I was weak. I was pathetic.

" _Please, Father, please!_ " I begged, sobbing my heart out in remorse for whatever I had done. For the life of me I could not remember what had earned me this strapping, but it had to have been bad. The burn was unbearable, and I knew even walking would be painful after this.

I continued to cry and plead for several more seconds before I realized the punishment had actually stopped. Was it over with? Had I been punished enough, or was he going to have me take my shirt off now? As of late he had taken to giving me a strapping not only on my buttocks, but on my back as well. Apparently, I deserved harsher punishments now that I was…now that I was…how old was I?

"Carlisle, all is well, mi hermanito," a voice soothed, "you are safe, I promise. Your punishment is over and you did very well. I am very proud of you."

Proud? Of me? I listened more to this voice with the strange accent, and suddenly my mind snapped back to the present.

Eleazar! I assessed my situation, finding myself still over my brother's knees. My right arm had been released, and a hand was rubbing my back up and down in a comforting manner. I quieted my crying and began to take in several deep and shaky breaths. It's only Eleazar, it's only Eleazar, I chanted in my head. Everything is alright, there is nothing to fear.

"Carlisle?" Eleazar asked, and my heart clenched at the wariness, fear, and _guilt_ I heard in his voice. I turned my head to him and quickly let him know that I was back and once more fully aware of my surroundings. Relief entered his eyes and he let out a breath, moving his hand to ruffle my hair.

"Do you want to get up?" he asked, and I nodded my head. My clothes had thankfully already been righted, so after standing I just buttoned my pants, grimacing at how rough they felt on my burning rear. My face felt wet and sticky and I immediately pulled up a sleeve to wipe away all the griminess. When finished, I fixed my eyes on the floor, unable to look my brother in the eyes after what had just happened.

"I'm so sorry Eleazar for what happened," I told him guiltily. "I _know_ you are not my father, and I need you to know that"—I wasn't able to finish my apology as Eleazar interrupted me.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and said, "Carlisle, you have _nothing_ to be sorry for. It is not your fault you slipped into a flashback. I apologize for not having noted earlier. _I_ am the one asking for _your_ forgiveness now." I finally looked at him, noticing the extreme concern and guilt in them. I had to explain. I had to confess that I had known this was a possibility.

"Eleazar, brother, it is not your fault so please don't apologize," I responded emphatically. "I should have—I knew that it was a possibility that…," I paused, guilt causing my stomach to churn uneasily. He was going to become angry at what I said, but I could not allow him to feel guilty. Taking in a huge breath, I forced out the rest of my confession. "My father's favorite instrument to use on me was the strap," I admitted softly, and Eleazar's eyebrows rose in surprise. "I knew you were going to use it because Edward informed me earlier today, but I didn't tell you because I knew you'd change your mind on how to punish me once more. I thought I could handle it."

Eleazar was frozen momentarily before his hands dropped from my shoulders. His rapidly narrowing eyes bore into me and his lips thinned. "You _knew_ this was a possibility?" he pressed. "You _thought_ you could handle it?"

I knew the questions were rhetorical, so I remained silent as he closed his eyes and then began to pace back and forth. I did not bother offering him any apologies right now as I knew he wouldn't hear or appreciate them.

"Dios mio, Carlisle, Cullen," he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. " _Why_? _Why_ would you do this? Why could you not have just been honest with me? Have you so little regard for yourself? For me? How do you think I felt when you begged me to stop and called me _Father_?"

I just looked at the man with eyes full of apology, and he glared right back, shaking his head in extreme disappointment.

"Lie down," he ordered abruptly, pointing towards the cot, and I just stared at him in confusion, caught off guard by the random order. I stared down at the cot and then back at him questioningly.

He closed his eyes briefly before letting out a heavy sigh. "Please, brother, just do it. I would like for you to just lie down and relax for a few hours. You are not in any condition to be wandering around, and I believe you need some time to sort through your thoughts," he explained. "I certainly do," he added quietly, speaking more to himself than to me.

I found his reasoning sound, yet I could not help but feel as I was being put to sleep like a child and/or being put in time out; and so I frowned at him unhappily. I didn't need to _rest_.

Eleazar responded with rapidly darkening eyes and a foreboding expression, and he took a step towards me. Self preservation took hold, and I promptly lay myself face down on the cot. I heard El grumbling to himself as he grabbed a pillow off the floor and handed it to me. I accepted it gratefully and wrapped both my arms around it before lying my head down. Eleazar's stern face softened as he then kneeled down by my head.

"Please try and relax for a little while, Carlisle." He nearly pleaded. "Your body and mind need time to heal. I will be nearby the whole time, so do not feel alone or abandoned."

"Alright," I sighed, closing my eyes when I felt him run his hand through my hair. I did feel mentally exhausted, so a little rest would not be amiss. It would also give my backside some time to heal. I began to take in slow, deep breaths. Sleep sounded really nice.

"We will discuss your deceit later," Eleazar then stated, and I responded with a grunt, not really listening to anything else he said. He was rubbing my back in a comforting manner, and while I could no longer quite make out what he was saying, his voice had a very soothing note to it. I allowed myself to sink into nothingness.

 **A/N:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Reassurances**

 **Eleazar's POV:**

I watched the younger man 'sleeping' in front of me. His head was buried in the pillow, one arm underneath it, and the other arm dangling over the side of the cot. He had been like this for half an hour, but I refused to leave because every ten minutes or so he would begin to let out quiet groans and even whimpers. It had happened three times already and each time I began to speak to him soothingly, assuring him that all was well and that he was safe. He would respond by calming and 'sleeping' peacefully once more.

It disturbed me greatly to see him suffering like this, especially so frequently. His mind should be relaxed at this point which would allow him to truly rest, but it seemed Carlisle's mind only sought to torture him. I kept a soothing hand on Carlisle's back, realizing that this sort of comfort seemed to prove helpful. It seemed to keep him grounded in the present, much like having him over my knees during a spanking should have.

Well, it would have had I known about the strap. Had I known his father had used it on him I would have switched to a belt. Frowning, I shook my head in disappointment. Why could he have not just been honest with me? Why did he constantly have to make things worse for himself? This punishment was hard enough without adding the extra mental anguish he had no doubt gone through.

I had been horrified and filled with guilt when Carlisle had called me Father, and begged me to stop. His pleads had already tugged at my heartstrings before that, but when I realized he was in a flashback I immediately stopped, deeming the punishment well and done. How long had he been in a flashback? How long had he been suffering without me realizing it? Was it the entire time? Had he been in and out of his memories?

I huffed, glaring at the blonde head before me. Stupid, foolish, ignorant man! Stupid, foolish, ignorant _child_! I was so angry with him right now, angry and hurt that he would hide his distress from me. The whole punishment had been wretched. It'd been the hardest punishment I had ever had to deliver. During my time with the Volturi I had detested doling out punishments, but it had never been a truly emotional event. I had not had any attachments to the guard I disciplined, and the event was more like a school master with a wayward student. With my younger siblings it had definitely been more difficult for me. I loved each and every one of those rascals, and spanking them had always been difficult. I had never feared them falling into a flashback, though, and nor had I ever punished them so hard like I had with Carlisle.

Why must you make everything so difficult, mi hermanito, I thought mournfully, fluctuating back and forth between anger and sadness for the man before me. I had no idea if this punishment had been effective since I had no idea when the flashback had begun. Why could he have not just been honest with me? Why did he always seek to suffer more? Why did he always seek to suffer _alone?_

My thoughts were cut short by the shrill ring of my phone. Carlisle's body tensed, but his eyes did not open, thankfully. I answered the phone before it could ring again, and quickly stepped out of the tent. I wanted to give Carlisle as much time as he needed to relax.

"Hello?" I answered tersely, truly wondering who had called as I had not checked the ID before answering.

"Eleazar, please tell me you did not use the strap on Carlisle!" Esme yelled into my ear, and I flinched, internally groaning before giving my regretful answer.

"Esme, I did, but only because Carlisle did not tell me the effect it was having on him," I explained rapidly. "Had I known it was an instrument his father favored I never would have used it." Esme's response was several moments of silence. I waited, wondering whether she'd be angry or upset with me, her husband, or both of us. She finally let out a long sigh filled with both anger and sadness.

"I understand," she spoke quietly, her tone filled with weariness. "How is he? From your words I assume something happened?"

"He had a flashback," I informed her. "I don't know how long he had been in it, but the second he called me, Father, I stopped the punishment. He is sleeping right now. I plan on discussing what happened with him afterwards."

I heard Esme curse, mumbling various insults towards her mate.

"I would have to say that I agree with everything you've said," I remarked drily.

"I am sorry Eleazar for any trouble he may have caused you," she apologized sincerely. "I know how stubborn he can be. If I had known—I should have thought to warn you ahead of time of what he…," she trailed off, clearly frustrated with both herself and Carlisle.  
"You have nothing to apologize for, Esme," I replied kindly. "Carlisle is the one who should have been forthcoming with me. I assure you he and I will be discussing his foolishness after he awakens." He will regret lying to me, I thought heatedly.

"Do not be too hard on him, please, Eleazar," Esme pleaded, and I smiled softly at her worry for her mate. "I know exactly how stubborn and frustrating he can be, but he never did anything with the intentions of hurting you." Smart woman, I thought fondly. She clearly understood that not only was I angry, but mostly hurt with my brother's actions.

"I know," I sighed sadly. "I am just upset at his lack of faith in me."

"He trusts you more than you could ever realize," she declared vehemently. "Carlisle loves you very much, and respects you immensely. Knowing my husband as well as I do, I can assure you the only reason he was not open with you was because he did not want to appear weak. He did not want you to think any less of him, and he wanted to make sure he received whatever punishment you intended originally."

My heart warmed at her words, and I gave her my thanks for being so open with me. "I will be fair with Carlisle, I can promise you that," I informed her. "It is time he realize that I take my job as his older brother _very_ seriously."

I received a sigh in response. "Please take care of him," Esme begged, her voice now full of emotion. "You know by now that he will do whatever is necessary to appear strong, even if it is to his detriment. Just _please_ be understanding, and _please_ be gentle with him. I am certain that despite the flashback he had, your lesson got through to him." I withheld a sigh, knowing she was now pleading for leniency for her bullheaded mate.

"I will take care of him, I promise you," I reassured her. "When we return in a couple days, your husband will be his normal self, apart from nursing a _very_ sore backside, of course."

"Okay," Esme responded somewhat despondently. "Please have Carlisle call me whenever you, well, whenever is best."

I assured her I would before saying goodbye. I was anxious to check back in on my idiot brother to see how he was doing. I had not heard any noises of distress, but that did not mean all was well. I placed my phone in my pocket before heading on in. I immediately cursed at the look of pain on Carlisle's face. His eyes were scrunched shut, his teeth gritted, and his entire body tensed. I knew he wasn't awake, so I quickly approached him and placed a hand on his back.

"Carlisle," I called before gasping in shock when he cried out as though I had hurt him. He began to curl into himself, rolling onto his side and groaning out as if in pain. I hesitated before once more placing my hand on his head this time.

"Shhh, shh, shh, hermanito, everything is just fine," I whispered into his ear as I soothingly ran my hand through his hair. "You are just fine, you are just fine. No one is harming you here, Carlisle, no one is harming you." He groaned out in pain and the noise shattered my undead heart. His eyes were still tightly shut, but the longer I spoke the more he began to relax. Ever so slowly he uncurled himself and his face began to relax. I was surprised that he was still sleeping, and wondered if I should just wake him up as sleep did not seem to be a form of relaxation for this young man. My thoughts were side tracked though when I noticed him grimacing. I figured the movement was causing his backside to ache, but with the way he was arching his back it almost seemed as though it were his _back_ that was hurting him more than his backside. Briefly I wondered if _I_ had unknowingly hit him there during his spanking, but I quickly shook my head of that notion. I knew my hand and the strap had fallen nowhere but onto this man's stubborn bottom. Still, what if he had hurt himself and told no one? I had no idea how he would have done that, but, this was Carlisle we were talking about.

I moved my hand away from his head at this point and gently placed in on his lower back. He flinched, and my concern mounted. Was he really injured? Glancing at the pained expression on his face I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up, exposing his back. I sucked in a startled breath as I took in not fresh wounds, but _scars_. There were thin, faint lines crisscrossing the entirety of my _little brother's_ back. I understood now. I understood a lot more than just why his expression was pained right now. He no doubt was lost in a bad memory, _again_. I also understood, though, how much _worse_ his childhood was than I had originally thought. I had known he was abused, but this… _this_ was worse. This was horrid.

I was so entranced with the sight before me that I did not notice that Carlisle had finally 'awoken'. It was not until he remarked, "No need to look so horrified, Eleazar. They were not as painful as they look." I slowly turned my head towards his, noting the forced casualness along with trepidation.

"Please stop lying to me," I tiredly said to him before unable to stop myself from actually reaching out and lightly tracing some of the scars. I felt sick. Retracting my hand, I gently slid my brother's shirt back down before looking over at him.

His eyes were anxious, and I could not help but say, "I had no idea you were treated this terribly."

"Because I never told you," he responded quietly. "I am sorry about that, El. It wasn't that I did not trust you"—

I impatiently waved away the rest of his apology, not finding it necessary. "How much you tell me of your past has always been up to you," I informed him, "at least when it does not relate to your safety," I had to add on, thinking of his flashback.

Carlisle pushed himself up and off the cot at this point, a mild groan escaping his lips as he took a couple steps. I straightened up at his point and made my way out of the tent, knowing that he was feeling restricted in the small quarters. Once outside I noticed him take in several huge breaths, tension oozing off of him in waves.

He took several more steps before sighing and throwing me a half-hearted glare. I raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"You weren't joking when you said I would find it difficult to walk," he complained grimly.

"I was not," I replied, giving him an unapologetic look.

He grimaced, nodding once before looking down. He rubbed the back of the neck before saying rather than asking, "You want to talk with me about what happened."

"Yes, I do," I stated. "I need to know when the flashback started. I need to know whether my punishment had any effect on you or whether you were lost in a memory the entire time. I _need_ to know why you were so _stupid_ as to keep the fact that your father abused you with a strap, and that my use of one could push you into a flashback!" I was yelling by the end, furious and hurt by the ignorance or sheer stupidity of the man in front of me.

Carlisle's face was suddenly full of shame, and he looked down the floor, making himself look like the very picture of a guilty, disobedient child. I took in a deep breath to calm my irritation with him. I needed to keep a calm and level head.

"You did not want to appear weak," I decided to just say, not wanting to wait for him to put into words his decision. I wanted all this unpleasantness over with. I did not want to have to punish him further now because he had kept such a crucial point from me.

"Yes," he responded quietly with a single nod, looking at me with guilty eyes. "I didn't want any more special considerations. If you felt I was deserving of a strap, then I would take it."

I let out a harsh sigh as I shook my head in disbelief. "Carlisle, if you had told me I would have just switched to using a belt. Believe me, you would be feeling just as punished whether I used that damned strap or not," I informed him, unable to keep from glaring.

Carlisle's response was to open his mouth before closing it, seemingly unable to form a suitable response.

"I am so disappointed and hurt that you would keep this information from me," I admitted. "I asked you multiple times if there was anything I needed to know and you kept this from me. I never wanted to hurt you, Carlisle, and I most definitely never wanted to be confused with your bastard Father. Do you have any idea the thoughts that ran through my head when you called me that?" I questioned rhetorically. "I worried about how long you had been in a flashback. I worried if this punishment had been effective at all. I wondered if this punishment had become abusive. I wondered about what I could have done wrong to have induced it. I was scared, Carlisle. Do you understand that?"

His shoulders sagged, intense guilt on his face as he nodded his head and quietly said, "I am so sorry, Eleazar. It was never my intention to put you in such a position. I truly thought I would be fine." He sounded so heartbroken and dejected that I felt the majority of my anger and frustration melt. Despite his three centuries and despite all his years with a loving family, I realized that this man had been well and truly scarred by his human life. I didn't think Carlisle was aware of this, and I wondered what to say. I wondered if this was something he would ever be able to overcome. I even wondered if talking with a psychologist would help him. That thought felt absurd yet legitimate at the same time. All I knew was that he needed a lot of help if he could ever hope to begin to overcome the traumas he'd faced. What those traumas were, I was afraid to imagine, but it was obvious they were there.

My throat constricted in sorrow at my analysis, and I could not help but close the distance between my _hermanito_ and I and envelop him in a hug. Despite the brotherly bond we felt, we had never been the hugging type, which was probably the reason Carlisle stiffened at first. I was about to let him go, but he quickly relaxed his muscles and wrapped his own arms around me. Neither one of us said anything before we broke apart.

"I am truly sorry," Carlisle repeated, and I simply replied, "I know, and I understand completely." His gaze turned skeptical, so I decided to inform him of my thoughts. His skepticism slowly turned from disbelief to surprise to contemplation. I gave him time to mull over my words, knowing he believed them when sadness and resignation adorned his expression. He turned away suddenly and began to walk towards the lake. I made to follow but without turning around he just held up a halting hand.

"Please," was all he said in a soft tone, and I stopped approaching, letting out a sigh as I knew he wanted to be alone right now. I was hesitant to acquiesce, feeling that leaving him to his thoughts right now could be detrimental, but I also felt forcing my company on him would not be the wisest course of action either; so, I just stood still and watched forlornly as the man began walking along the edge of the lake. He did not want me accompanying him, but that did not mean I would not keep my eyes on him.

 **Esme's POV:**

I was a bundle of stress and anxiety as I stared at my cell phone waiting for Carlisle to call. I needed to hear his voice, and I needed to know that he was okay. Eleazar had informed me of Carlisle's flashback, and I had fought hard to keep from verbally lashing out at the Spaniard. It wasn't his fault, at least not entirely; unfortunately, I could not help the protective anger that continued to rise in me. How could he use a _strap_ on my Carlisle?! What had he been thinking?!

And my idiot, masochistic husband knew Eleazar was doing this and he said _nothing_! How I wish Edward had said something earlier to me so that I could have intervened before the punishment had commenced.

I glared at my phone and let out a harsh sigh of discontent. I should never have agreed to this. I should have put up more of a fight. Why did I trust this would turn out well?

Feelings of guilt stirred up in me suddenly ad I knew part of the reason my beloved was in this position was due to my suggestion to come here. I knew Carlisle would confess to his brother everything that had occurred, and I knew Eleazar would play devil's advocate with him. I knew the man would deliver an effective scolding, and I even knew there was a possibility things would end up the way they had. I had hoped I would be wrong, but I remembered just as well as Carlisle the promise Eleazar had given him two years ago.

I did not feel he deserved this punishment, even less so since I knew the strap was involved, but I knew my husband. I knew him well enough to know that he required atonement. He was someone that needed punishment in order to be able to forgive himself. Eleazar had been too hard, though, and who knew what state Carlisle was in now. I debated whether I should just call him or continue to wait.

My worries were interrupted when I heard Edward talking downstairs. Bella responded, and I felt a jolt of surprise not having realized when she had arrived. I sighed heavily, knowing that Edward was no doubt informing Bella of what was going on. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard my daughter yell out, "No!" before shouting out, "MOM!"

I hurriedly rushed downstairs to calm my daughter, all the while wondering how I would do so when I myself was far from calm as well. I arrived in front of my children, surprised yet grateful when I saw Carmen here as well.

"Please don't tell me what Edward said is true," Bella pleaded, appearing in front of me in an instant. "Please tell me Dad isn't—that he's not—just _please_ , Mom!" she begged, clearly unable to even voice what her father had already suffered through.

"Bella, please calm down," I spoke softly, putting my hands on her shoulders.

" _Is it true?"_ she repeated, near tears and I just responded with a single nod.

Her eyes widened in shock before she asked the obvious question of, " _Why?_ "

I sighed inwardly, wondering to explain when Edward beat me to it. He repeated what Carlisle had said to him earlier, adding what Carlisle had let him see inside his mind. I was mildly surprised Carlisle had allowed him to witness his memories of a month ago, but it seemed to have done the trick. Sad as he was, Edward understood his father's reasoning and he was doing his best to get Bella to understand it. Understanding, though, did not equate with acceptance, which was what my youngest was displaying right now.

"He's doing this because he's guilty over how he treated us?" she stated in a near whisper, her eyes filling up with guilt. "So this is my fault because I can't stay out of trouble?" she questioned, tears finally beginning to stream down her face.

Edward, Carmen, and I immediately voice our objections as I went over and enveloped the girl in a tight hug.

"Never _ever_ blame yourself for what is happening. You are in no way to blame for any of this," I declared firmly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"But if I hadn't"—

" _No_ ," I stated with a strong shake of my head. "This is no one's fault. No one forced your father into anything," I assured her, giving a roll of my eyes. "You'll find over the years that no one can force Carlisle to do anything he does not want to."

Both Edward and Carmen gave noises of consent, but I could tell by looking into Bella's eyes that my words were of no help to her. I had a feeling, unfortunately that nothing _I_ could say would alleviate her guilt and concern. It would have to be Carlisle who assuaged her feelings, and I had no idea when that would be able to happen.

"Bella, mi amor," Carmen began to speak, "Eleazar loves your father deeply and would never harm him. Everything he does, he does in love just as your _papà_ does with you." Bella grasped on to her words like a life line and seemed to calm somewhat. Carmen opened her arms and Bella quickly accepted the comfort of the older woman. I marveled at how quickly Bella wormed her way into the hearts of everyone who met her, and I loved how she seemed to have hit it off with Carmen especially. It was a beautiful aunt-niece relationship from the get go, and it warmed my heart immensely.

I looked to Edward now and mentally told him, _Please do not mention the strap. Bella is already feeling guilty enough and this is not a burden she needs to bear._ Edward looked at me and frowned lightly before giving me a nod of ascent. He knew his mate as well as I did, and we both knew that Bella could be unpredictable. I did not want her to do something she would regret, whatever that may be. Whether she lashed out at Eleazar, Carmen, me, or even Carlisle in an attempt to cover the guilt she would be feeling.

Carmen was conversing quietly with Bella, allying her fears and guilt, at least for the moment. I was very thankful to the woman right now for stepping in as she had. I was filled with so much anxiety right now, and even some anger, that I was unsure whether I would have been able to offer my young one the assurances she needed.

I felt a hand grab onto mine, and looked at my firstborn with a loving smile. Unlike Carlisle, I had never gotten into the habit of keeping my thoughts blocked from Edward, so he had been able to glean my anxious thoughts. I gave him my thanks before deciding to excuse myself. Bella was in good hands, and I needed time to myself right now.

I made my way out of the house and into the woods. I wasn't heading anywhere in particular, but I did not want to be around anyone right now, especially when Carlisle called. Yearning flooded through me now, and I desperately wanted my husband back with me. I debated whether to go and find him before dismissing that ridiculous thought. Not only would it be difficult to follow their scent, I was sure he would not be happy with my interference. I already knew he would be upset by how much I'd disclosed to Eleazar, but I would accept his irritation because the protection of his emotional wellbeing was far more important than his pride.

My phone finally began to ring and I quickly answered it, relived beyond belief when I heard my beloved's voice on the other end.

"Carlisle," I sighed, "thank God you called, I've been so worried. I spoke with Eleazar earlier and I know he used the strap and I know you had a flashback," I recounted hurriedly, my concern causing me to speak quickly. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you? Do you need me to come over?"

A short chuckle was the response I received before Carlisle's soothing voice responded. "Esme, my love, I am just fine. Yes, I had a flashback, but it was only at the end of the punishment and it was nothing compared to what I experienced with you. I just briefly felt as though I were with my father rather than Eleazar, but it was only for a few moments. Nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about? I begged to differ. This was definitely something to worry about. A flashback was not something to just brush away. I let my stubborn husband know my thoughts, unable to keep my irritation with him out of my voice before I then asked, "Why did you not tell Eleazar about what effect a strap could have on you? You had to have known how you would react?"

Carlisle sighed heavily before responding exactly as I thought he would. "I thought I would be fine. I did not want anymore special considerations than were already occurring."

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth in utter frustration with this man. How he could be so ignorant of the effect his past still had on him was unbelievable! I wanted to berate my husband, but I held my tongue as I knew Eleazar had no doubt already had words with him. Deciding to let go of my frustrations, I focused once more on my concern for him and my anger towards Eleazar.

"Eleazar did not need to use a strap on you," I grumbled in irritation. "He was harder on you than he should have."

"Esme," Carlisle sighed once more, "it was no different than you using a belt on me."

"A belt and a strap may feel similar, but emotionally speaking, knowing that a strap was being used on you would have— _did_ take its toll on you," I replied in forced calm.

My words were greeted with silence, and I was surprised by how defeated his voice sounded when he said, "I know. I thought I could handle it…I _always_ feel I can handle it, but I am _always_ wrong. I had no idea…" His words trailed off as I heard him let out a huff of air. My concern skyrocketed at this point and more than ever I wanted to be with him. Something was wrong.

"Love, what's wrong?" I questioned. "Are you sure you are alright? Do you need me to come to you? Just say the word and I'll be there," I informed him, hoping beyond hope that he'd take me up on my offer.

"I am sorry, Esme," he finally responded after several moments of silence. "I did not mean to cause you any more concern. I am fine, and I will be back tomorrow or the next day. I only called to let you know all was well, I swear it. Despite how I may sound, everything is fine."

My heart ached at his saddened tone, but I heard nothing but sincerity in his tone. He is just in a vulnerable state, I told myself. He is just fine.

"I love you," I suddenly felt the need to say. "Just promise me that you are truly fine and will be home soon, okay?"

"I promise," he responded earnestly, "and I love you too. I have to go now, but I will contact you tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow," I said, and then he hung up. I stared down at my phone, not feeling better at all. If anything I felt more concerned than before. Feeling a sudden rush of anger I came to a quick decision and dialed Eleazar's number.

The phone rang only once before he picked up, and I didn't give him a chance to say anything before I snarled, "What the _hell_ did you do to my husband?!"

Eleazar's response was calm and without a hint of disapproval as he replied, "I spanked him, but you already knew that; so, mi querida Esme, how about you explain what seems to be the problem?"

I growled angrily before informing him of the conversation I had just had with Carlisle. "So, I ask again, Eleazar, what _did you do_?!"

Eleazar's response was still infuriatingly calm and even understanding as he said, "Carlisle is fine, or he will be. He and I began to talk some things out, and he is digesting the information. _Please_ , Esme, have a little faith in me, and have a little faith in your husband. Once he and I are finished talking I will encourage him to call you once more, and you will see that all is well."

I bit back a growl, reminding myself that I was not one of my hot headed teenagers, and that verbally lashing out at Eleazar was not going to solve anything. I took in several deep breaths and found myself regaining control of my temper.

This is Eleazar, I told myself, and you trust him. He is as honorable a man as my husband. Besides, Carlisle said he is fine, and you sensed the honesty in his words. I spoke these thoughts over and over in my head before deciding I owed the older man an apology. I had no right to lash out at him like this when I did not know all the facts yet.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to say. "I had no right to be yelling at you like this, and you're right, I should have more faith in the both of you."

"No worries, hermanita, I understand your concerns full heartedly, but perhaps you should think a little more before making such angry phone calls, no?" His words were spoken gently with barely a hint of chastisement, but I still felt embarrassed. I was not at all accustomed to being scolded, so along with embarrassment I also felt very ashamed.

"Yes, of course," I replied earnestly, "and I am sorry once more. It was wrong for me to lash out."

"It's fine," he responded kindly, "Now if you don't mind, I believe it is time Carlisle and I finished our brotherly chat."

"Take care of him," I had to say, and he gave me his assurances before hanging up. I sank down to the floor, cradling the phone in my hand, and I fought back a wave of tears. I needed to be strong right now. It wasn't me who had gotten a strapping. It wasn't me who had had a flashback.

"Mom?" a quiet voice called out, and I jumped, snapping my attention to the right where Alice and Rosalie were slowly making their way to me. They clearly were aware of what was going on, and judging from the fact that Bella and Edward were not with them, I figured Alice had had a vision. Managing a smile I held up a hand towards my girls and they promptly sat themselves down with me.

"Everything will be just fine," Alice reassured me, and I just nodded my head, too emotional to say anything. I wrapped my right arm around Alice as she snuggled closer to me, and I wrapped my left arm around Rosalie as she snuggled closer to me. Silent tears began to make their way down my cheeks, but the girls said nothing. They just kept their arms around me, offering me all the comfort they could.

 **A/N:**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: LAST CHAPTER! Sorry for any and all errors. I finished the story and just posted it all at once. If there are any major errors, let me know. If it's just a typo here or there, just live with it.**

 **Chapter 5: Family**

 **Carlisle's POV:**

"Thank you, Carlisle, for trusting me with this knowledge," Eleazar spoke after nearly ten minutes of silence. I had just finished recounting to him memories of my past, including the worse ones that still haunted me today. I had then recounted to him more of my early vampire years, the overwhelming fear, self-loathing, and aching loneliness I had felt. I even admitted to him the envy I had felt towards him upon first meeting him because of how easily he adjusted to vampire life when I had struggled for decades to just accept that I would never be able to change what I was.

"I cannot begin to imagine," Eleazar continued in a soft, gentle voice, "what you must have endured in your youth. I listen to your stories, but even then I will not pretend to say I can empathize as my human upbringing and introduction into this vampire life were vastly different than yours. I can say that my heart aches terribly at hearing and imagining how much you have suffered." He was looking at me this point with eyes full of sadness. "How much you suffered _alone_ ," he restated. "I can definitely understand why you continue to try and handle things by yourself and why you keep things to yourself as well since it is a habit you've been doing since you were very young."

I said nothing in response, letting him talk out his thoughts. I will admit, it was a relief to have finally opened up to Eleazar. I had never realized how much it bothered me that Eleazar did not know much about me, that I knew more of his life than he of mine, and I had been along for nearly a century more than him. I was glad he realized how much trust I was giving him by sharing all of this. I mean, he must already know he had my trust as I had willingly accepted a hiding from him, but all the same, these memories were close to my heart. At this point, they defined who I was—or they at least _shaped_ who I was today. I could not let them go. I supposed I was afraid to let them go, afraid to forget. What if I changed? What if I became like _him_?

"I wish I could change what happened to you, or I wish I or someone could have been there for you, but I can't," my brother stated with a mild grimace, "and I suppose I should not focus on what if's. I am sure you already know this, but I will lay it out flat that I am here for you now. I am not a member of your coven. I am not one of your children who you need to watch out for. I am someone you can lean on without fear of reprisal. Not that I feel your family would take advantage or look down upon you for appearing vulnerable, but I know you well enough now to know that you feel more comfortable showing this kind of vulnerability with me than with anyone in your family aside from Esme."

I'd already come to the same realizations so I once more said nothing, choosing instead to just give him a nod of agreement.

Eleazar cocked his head and as he looked at me I could tell he was studying me. I was unsure what he was looking for so I simply stared back.

"You are not a bad person, Carlisle," he declared, and my eyes widened at the unexpected words. He took a few steps closer, giving me a pointed look as he continued speaking. "I hope you realize I do not say this lightly when I tell you that I have never met a kinder and more compassionate man than you. You judge yourself much too harshly, and I do realize that no matter what I say this is a habit you are yet unable to break, but never doubt that you are a good person. You have and will make mistakes as any man does, but you will _never_ be your father."

I held his gaze for only a couple seconds before I had to look away, unable to stand the sudden upwelling of emotions I was feeling. "I know I am not him," I managed to get out, knowing that my conviction sounded weak as I was speaking to the ground rather than Eleazar.

"Esme and your children have no doubt told you this already, but I felt you needed to hear me say it as well," Eleazar explained, reaching out a hand to give my shoulder a comforting squeeze. I looked up at him once more and graced him with an appreciative smile. His response was to once more study me up and down, concern marring his forever youthful face.

"How are you?" he questioned concernedly, and I frowned rather than respond, unsure of what he was asking and of what I wanted to say. How was I, I asked myself.

El seemed to realize I wasn't going to respond, so he now frowned before asking me a more direct question. "How is your backside? It has been some time since I delivered a strapping, and I truthfully never checked in on the guards I punished so…" He trailed off, looking down at the floor in sudden embarrassment.

"So you are not aware of the long term effects?" I stated grimly, completing his question for him.

"Sí," he agreed with a very serious nod, the concern ever present in his eyes. I chewed on my bottom lip wondering how honest to be. Eleazar realized what I was thinking for he let out an exasperated sigh before gracing me with a look that plainly said, 'really?' I could not help but give an embarrassed grin.

"It hurts," I admitted, deciding to just be blunt. "It throbs, and with every step I take I feel the effects," I informed him succinctly. "It will no doubt take several days or more to fully heal, and I openly admit that this is not an experience I ever care to repeat. Rest assured brother, your message was well received," I declared, my grin turning amused when he let out a short laugh.

"Good," he responded, giving me a mildly stern look. "Heed my warning and we will not find ourselves in this damned position again."

"Amen to that," I said, running a weary hand through my hair.

The concerned look was back on my brother's face as he then asked, "Emotionally or mentally speaking, how are you? From my perspective you look utterly drained and exhausted."

I just nodded in response as that was exactly what I was feeling. It was half a day since I had been punished, and we had spent most that time talking. I was spent. I really didn't want to talk anymore, but just go home to be with Esme and my kids.

Eleazar inhaled deeply before rubbing the back of his neck.

"I had wanted to discuss your deceit from earlier (I winced), but in all honesty I feel you have already been punished for that with the flashback you experienced," he informed me sadly. "You realize your error, and I understand why you did it, so let us speak no more of this and just head home. Esme called me once more and is extremely worried about you. I feel you both will benefit from each other's company, so what do you say we pack up and get out of here?"

I felt a flood of relief course through me, and I grinned widely as I gave my whole hearted agreement. "Yes, let's go home."

We were packed in under five minutes and had just begun sprinting towards home when I realized how painful this journey was going to be. The pain in my backside flared as my normally comfortable jeans chafed against it. I clenched my mouth shut tightly to keep from eliciting a whimper or yelp as we continued to run. After half an hour though I could no longer keep up the pace so I came to an abrupt stop, dropping my bags to the floor and letting out a pained groan. I curled my hands into fists to keep from reaching back and rubbing.

My God, this was beyond embarrassing, I could not help but think as I noticed Eleazar looking back at me from twenty paces away. I took a few deep breaths, picked up my bags again and began running once more. I did not spare Eleazar a glance as I was not only embarrassed but determined to overcome this weakness.

Unfortunately, I managed only fifteen minutes this time before I once more had to stop, once more letting out a pained groan. My entire body was tense and throbbing, and I could honestly say I had never felt so pained and uncomfortable since the day I had been turned. My breaths were coming out in gasps as though I were actually winded from running, but it was actually due to the effort I was putting into remaining quiet and stoic.

"How about we take it slow right now?" Eleazar asked airily, not looking at me but over towards the rising sun. "I am not quite in a hurry to suffer the wrath of your family when they see the condition I left you in." I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and when he gave me a cheeky grin I let out a chuckle.

"Are you sure you don't want to just carry me?" I questioned with a devilish grin. I would never ask or allow this to happen, but his reaction was priceless. A look of horror adorned his face as he asked, "Do you want your wife to kill me? Dios mio, hermanito, if your family were to see me show up carrying you, they would tear me apart; and whatever was left at that point, my own wife would set on fire!"

I laughed loudly at this, amused by my family's overprotectiveness and his worry.

"As it is," he continued with true worry, "I will already be feeling their wrath merely from the fact that you actually look like the walking dead right now." He was gazing at me in concern, but thankfully he did not bother asking me how I was or offering me any help. We both knew how I was feeling, and we both knew I would never accept his help.

"Come on viejito," I stated, taking off at a slow jog. "I would like to get home before I age another year."

"Viejito? Did you just call me viejito?!" he sputtered, easily catching up to me. "I am _not_ old! Listen here, _niño_ …." He retorted in mock anger, beginning to lecture me in Spanish on respecting my elders and other such nonsense. I just rolled my eyes while laughing, causing him to give me an affronted expression.

"No respect, no respect at all," he muttered to himself, shoving my arm when I only continued to laugh.

We continued to banter back and forth as we ran, which proved helpful in keeping my mind off the increasing burn of my well punished backside. The closer we got the faster we began to run and the quieter I became. I was hurting, desperately wanting the comfort of my family, but also fearful of facing my family. I did not quite understand the fear, but I supposed it was more anxiousness than fear. What would they be thinking? Would they look on me differently after this? Would they forgive me? Would they ever trust me again, or would they always hold fear that I would treat them as poorly as I had recently?

Eleazar kept up the conversation at this point just talking about random things to try and distract me, but it didn't really work. I couldn't help but notice that he too was getting nervous as we neared home. It seemed there was some honesty in his claim of being afraid of my family's reaction. I would have to make sure Esme and my children did not give him a hard time. With Esme at least, this would be easier said than done.

The sun was fully risen when we arrived back home, and I was unsurprised when I found my arms full with my beloved wife. Her grip was as tight on me as mine was on hers, and I greedily took in several deep breaths of her soothing scent before breaking apart. We simply looked into each other's eyes and I allowed her to see what I was feeling. The sadness and concern was clear in her eyes as she caressed my cheek before taking my hand and leading me inside and up to our bedroom. I knew the children were here, and was curious for a moment as to why they had yet to show themselves. I figured, however, that they wanted to give Esme and I time to ourselves before bombarding me with their exuberant presences.

Once in our bedroom she looked me over once more before unexpectedly saying, "You're a mess. Let's get you cleaned up." I raised my eyebrows, having anticipated her asking me how I was doing or if I was alright. I did not fight her, though as she led me into the bathroom and helped me undress before guiding me to the shower. I was elated when she followed me in. I will spare you the details now, but suffice to say this shower took longer than usual.

It was not until we were drying ourselves off that my wife finally spoke. "Tell me everything," she simply ordered, and I knew from the look in her eyes that she had been desperately worried about me, so I told her everything that had happened starting with the punishment, my flashback, and the conversations I had had with Eleazar.

"I was so worried for you," she admitted when I finished, wrapping her arms around my waist. "You have no idea how many times I had to stop myself from going after you or calling Eleazar again and chewing him out. To be honest, I still feel like chewing him out. You look awful."

"Thank you," I responded in a poor attempt at humor, but her expression remained serious, so I let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm sorry, Esme," I apologized, but she just narrowed her eyes before waving away my words. "You have no reason to apologize to me. I forgave you long ago for what happened. This punishment was for you. Please just tell me you received the absolution you sought because if not I will be having _words_ with that brother of yours," she nearly hissed.

I felt a spark of amusement at her over protectiveness as I went to reassure her. "Yes, love, the punishment did as it was meant to. I have been well chastised and shown the error of my ways." I smiled softly before adding, "I am just fine."

"You don't look fine," she stated with a voice full of doubt. "You look completely exhausted, and though you have tried to hide it I know you are in pain."

"Well I did receive a strapping, Esme, the effects will be felt for more than a fortnight," I explained drily, regretting my cavalier tone when she openly glared at me.

"I always hate it when you become so dismissive of the pain you are in, physically and/or emotionally," she remarked disappointedly, and I gave her a look of remorse. She let out a sigh, her face softening before she asked, "What can I do for you right now? How can I help?"

"I think," I answered honestly, "that I just need to rest. I want to try and see if I can 'sleep', and to do that I will need help." I chewed on my bottom lip before adding something she no doubt already knew. "I need to have someone with me in order to be able to 'sleep' soundly."

Esme kissed me on the lips, giving me one of her beautiful smiles as she said, "That is not a problem, Carlisle." I graced her with an appreciative grin before allowing her to lead me over to the large bed. I settled myself face down while she lay down next to me. We gazed into each other's eyes as she began to caress my hair.

"Close your eyes," she whispered quietly, "and just focus on my humming. You are very loved, and you will never be alone. Now sleep well, my beloved husband." I followed her instructions and found myself drifting off within seconds. Whether it was a testament of how mentally exhausted I was or the comfort I felt in my wife's presence I was not sure, but I felt more peaceful and relaxed in this moment than I had in a long time.

 **Bella's POV:**

We gave our parents sufficient time to reacquaint themselves with one another before feeling it was safe to grace them with our presence. We were all anxious to see how our father was doing, so we all made our way to their bedroom and fidgeted nervously as we waited for permission to enter. Mom told us we could come in before we even knocked, and Edward eagerly opened the door before we all made our way in. Mom was holding a finger to her mouth, so we all said nothing as we crowded around the bed and stared down at Dad.

My eyes widened in shock for two reasons. First off, I had never seen Dad actually 'sleeping'. It was odd seeing him so-so…I wasn't quite sure how to describe, but he just seemed so _young_ and _vulnerable_ all of a sudden. Secondly, he looked more exhausted than I had ever seen him before. Even with all the trouble I'd given the man, I'd never seen him look so worn out.

Taking a quick glance at Edward and my siblings I noticed that I was the only one feeling this shock. I remembered now that they had seen Dad in this state before. Their expressions were full of concern, sadness, and regret, expressions that I also mirrored. I couldn't believe Dad had actually gone through with this. I couldn't believe he'd actually been _spanked_. I mean, he had told me before it had happened to him, but never when I had been around. I never saw this coming, and I certainly never wanted it to happen again.

Dad shouldn't look like this. Dad shouldn't have had to do this. Protective anger coursed through my veins, and I felt the need to go and give Eleazar a piece of my mind. My thoughts were interrupted when Jasper began to quietly talk to Mom.

"Mama, how about ya let the girls take care of Papa, and ya come and go huntin' with us?" he suggested gently, laying a hand on her knee. I focused my gaze now on our mother and noted her black eyes and weary expression. She didn't look that well either. A hunt would do her well.

"I can't leave him," Mom whispered with a shake of her head, and Rosalie spoke up this time.

"We will take care of him, I swear it," she declared with conviction. "The three of us will not leave his side, will we girls?"

"Of course not," I said as Alice responded, "No way, Dad is safe with us."

"Come on, Mama bear," Emmett coaxed, holding a hand out to her. "You need to be at full strength for when Pops wakes up, okay?"

Mom clearly didn't want to go, but she also saw reason with Emmett's words for she allowed herself to be pulled up and out of the bed.

"I won't be gone for long," she told us. "Do not leave his side for a single second. You know how he gets when left alone in this state," she warned, and I felt confusion. Rose and Alice clearly knew what she meant though as they gave our mother serious nods and reassurances. Esme gave her husband another look before leaving.

"What did she mean about how he gets when left alone?" I immediately asked, and Rosalie responded by blatantly ignoring me before Alice quietly answered the question. "Dad can never stay relaxed for very long, especially when alone. He starts to have…I guess you could say _nightmares_ , and becomes really distressed." She frowned deeply at this point before climbing onto the huge bed. Rosalie had already settled herself at the head of the bed, placing a pillow on her lap before shifting our father's head so it was lying in her lap. Alice sat near his legs, stretching out her own so that they were resting on top of his. I decided to take the middle ground and sat cross-legged next to his back. We said nothing at this point, just content to be near Dad.

It had been only ten minutes before he started to stir, his face scrunching up as though in pain. A quiet groan escaped his lips, and my eyes widened in both shock and concern. What was going on? Were these one of the nightmares Alice had mentioned? I looked at my sisters, at a complete loss for what to do, but it seemed Rosalie had everything under control as she had immediately begun to run her hand through his hair before beginning to quietly hum his lullaby. I watched in awe as Dad's expression immediately calmed and he was once more silent.

"That was amazing," I felt the need to compliment, and Rose responded with a smug look as she said, "I know what calms him." I frowned at this point, feeling slightly stung by her words. Her tone of voice clued me in to the fact that she wasn't quite happy with me. I wanted to ask what her problem was but Alice placed a hand on my shoulder, giving a single shake of her head when I looked at her. I let out a sigh instead, deciding now was not the time to look into this. I'd had a feeling as of late that she'd been upset with me, but I thought it was something she would get over with. It seemed I was completely wrong, though, as this incident with Dad had only seemed to increase her irritation with me.

I shifted my gaze now back towards Carlisle and settled with just watching him and making sure he stayed calm. I was really worried about him, not only because of the spanking he had received, but also because of how exhausted he looked. The fact that he couldn't even seem to relax peacefully didn't help matters. What sort of things were going through his mind that would cause him to look so distressed? What could scare my father?

"They're memories," Alice stated, correctly assuming where my thoughts were at. "His mind immediately goes to his human memories when he's in such a relaxed state. I'm not exactly sure why as this doesn't seem to happen with the rest of us, and we certainly all have our own demons, but it just does. It's been like this for as long as I have known him. He tries to hide it, but Dad has never been able to let go of his past, especially his human life. I don't even think he realizes how much he holds onto those memories or how traumatized he really is.

I took in her words, my concern only increasing. I felt completely out of my element and useless. I had no idea how to help him, or what he was really experiencing, but it seemed Alice and Rosalie were well aware. I couldn't help but be jealous by al the knowledge they had. I suddenly felt that they had a better relationship with him because they'd lived with him for so many years. Would I ever have a close relationship like that?

Once again, it seemed Alice knew where my thoughts were out because she just laid her hand on my knee and gave me an understanding smile.

An hour had gone by now and only once had Dad stirred only once before being quickly calmed by Rose and Alice. Rosalie had looked angry at that point, shaking her head as she quietly hissed, "I can't believe Eleazar actually strapped him!"

" _What?!"_ I gasped out in horror. "He was _strapped_?" I questioned loudly before cringing as Rosalie snapped at me to be quiet.

"Yes, he was," she then answered angrily. "How could you not know? I found out from Edward." My eyes widened, completely taken aback both by the fact that our father had been strapped and that Edward had known and kept this from me. Why would he do that? Why would he tell Rosalie but not _me_? Did he not trust me with this knowledge? Did he blame me, as it seemed Rose did?

Tears started to well in my eyes as I found myself feeling guiltier and guiltier. This was my fault. Dad was in this mess because of me. Dad had been _strapped_ because of me. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much that had to have hurt. I knew the belt was horrible, so I could only imagine that the strap was just as bad if not worse. Judging from the expressions on my sisters' faces, I had a feeling it was worse.

I look down at him and placed a hesitant hand on his back, slowly rubbing small circles in an attempt to provide him some sort of comfort. I felt completely helpless and full of guilt. I still couldn't wrap my mind around what had happened. I couldn't understand why Eleazar would feel Dad deserved a strapping, or why Dad himself felt he deserved this.

All this was _my_ fault. It was my fault that he was feeling so guilty. I had gotten myself, Edward, and my siblings into more trouble than any of us had ever been in. I had been the cause of Dad slipping into coven leader mode. My punishment had been harsh, but I still felt it had been well deserved. I certainly was doing my utmost to keep my nose clean, and I was following all rules whether I agreed with them or not.

When Dad had apologized to us I hadn't really understood why. He said he'd lost his temper. He said he'd been too harsh with Rosalie and Alice especially. I supposed if I really thought about it, he had. They had only been trying to cover for me and the boys, but they had ended up receiving eh same whipping as them. I wondered if this was one of the reasons Rosalie was angry with me. She probably blamed me for not only her punishment, but for Dad's as well.

I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I stubbornly held them at bay. I had no right to be crying right now. My dad was lying here in pain and suffering from bad memories because he had wanted to atone for supposedly being too harsh with us. I didn't agree, but Mom, Edward, and Carmen had told me that arguing with Dad was futile. I had a feeling that Mom agreed with Dad, though, at least to a certain extent. I was so lost and confused. There was more to all of this than I knew.

I felt a spark of anger towards Edward. He obviously knew more than he had told me. Why would he have told Rosalie that Dad had been strapped and not me? What else had he been keeping from me? Did he think I couldn't handle the information?

I fought back the growl of frustration that was threatening to escape me. I didn't think hearing a growl would help Dad, and I knew Rosalie would no doubt lose her temper with me. An argument between me and her wasn't going to help anybody. With some embarrassment, I also had to admit that I was kind of afraid of Rosalie. She'd seemed to accept me into the family, but I had clearly remembered how cold she had been with me in the beginning. I had been afraid of her then and I was a little afraid of her now. I knew that if it ever came to a fight between us she would be the one to win.

My musings were abruptly cut short when the muscles beneath my hand suddenly tensed and Dad shouted out a strangled, " _No!_ "

All of us, even Alice jumped in surprise as Dad opened his eyes and seemed to be breathing heavily. The look in his eyes were something I would never forget regardless of my vampire memory. They were _haunted_. They were wide and terrified. Those emotions only showed for a second before he became aware of his surroundings. Letting out a groan he shifted, turning his body all the way around so that he was now lying on his back. Alice and I shifted as he settled himself at which point Alice once more placed her legs over his and I scooted over until I was touching his side. His head remained on the pillow resting on Rosalie's lap.

"Hello my beautiful girls," he greeted pleasantly, giving each of us a loving smile. I gave him a small smile in return, unnerved by how he could seemingly act so calm and normal after everything that had happened. I wondered at the same time how he could manage to lay like that when his backside had to still be hurting him. I knew after the whipping I'd endured it'd been a few days before I'd felt comfortable sitting.

"Hello?!" Rosalie scoffed with a bewildered shake of her head. "After the strapping Eleazar gave you and the way in which you just 'woke' up, that's how you greet us?"

Dad stiffened at her words and immediately sat up, a grimace adorning his face momentarily before he let out a sigh. "There are no secrets in this family, are there?" he asked rhetorically.

"Of course not," Alice responded nonetheless with a smirk.

"Are you okay, Dad?" I blurted out, deeply concerned. "You shouted, "No", when you got up, and your expression was…," I bit my lip not sure exactly what to say. "Your expression was haunted," I continued, deciding to just be honest.

He frowned deeply at my words before once more letting out a deep sigh. He looked and sounded exhausted. He turned his body so that he was now facing all three of us, but as he answered he looked down at his lap rather than us. "I was reliving some _unpleasant_ memories," was the only thing he said, pausing for several seconds before adding, "And I am okay right now." He was looking up at us right now, his expression clearly showing his stress but also his honesty.

"You were strapped," I spoke up, unable to keep quiet. " _Why_ would you go through something like that? I was the one that screwed up," I told him guiltily. "I was the one that defied you and endangered our family, so _why_ would you accept a punishment you didn't deserve?"

Dad's eyes were fully trained on me as he softly said, "I have a feeling that no matter what I say you will never agree with my decision. Do know this, though, _none_ of this was because of _you_. It was my own actions that landed me in this predicament," he informed me seriously before looking at each of my sisters. "I have told you all many times that even when your mates or siblings get into trouble with you and you attempt to take the blame, each one of you is responsible for your own actions. No one can force you to do anything. You can be influenced, but in the end your actions are your own. Do you agree?" he asked.

The girls and I exchanged glances before all murmuring a quiet, "Yes, sir."

" _None_ of you are responsible for the strapping I received. _I_ and I alone am responsible," he spoke firmly.

"What could you have done to deserve this, though, Dad?" Alice asked in frustration, clearly as bewildered as me as to why he would put himself through this. He was right that he was responsible for his own actions, but what actions did he think he committed that would have earned him such a harsh punishment?

He ran a hand through his hair wearily and seemed to be deep in thought. We remained silent, giving him time to gather his thoughts or figure out what to tell us. It took about five minutes before he finally began to speak, his words coming out slowly and hesitantly at first. He began to talk to us about _that week_ , and I was flabbergasted to hear his thoughts and perspective on everything that had occurred. He spoke of his fury and extreme hurt. We'd heard of some of this already, but he was going more in depth, revealing the thoughts behind those feelings. He talked about his terror of the Volturi coming for our family, his anger at how we all disregarded and disobeyed nearly every rule he had ever set out for us, and he admitted the deep hurt and betrayal he felt at how we broke his trust.

"I found myself overwhelmed and unable to properly deal with all these strong emotions," he admitted, regret etched all over his face, "and so I settled on the easiest emotion, _anger_. Not only did I allow that emotion to take control, but I took on the mantle of coven leader to justify how harshly I came down on you all; and I used it to justify how I completely shut out your mother." He was looking down at his hands, clearly feeling ashamed before he looked towards Alice and Rosalie specifically. "I said this before, but I need to reiterate that I went too far with your punishment more than anyone else. The whipping I gave you all was too harsh, but it was—it was also downright abusive," he admitted in a pained voice as though every word was difficult for him to speak. He was shaking his head now before looking towards me. "With you Bella, I admit I also was too harsh, especially with the whipping I gave you. Yes, you were the most disobedient of everyone, but you are still a child. You were still my little girl, yet I treated you like a subordinate. I came down on you as your coven leader, and that was wrong of me. You weren't deserving of it. None of you were," he stated with conviction, looking deep into each one of our eyes.

"These last couple years have been a whirlwind," he continued speaking, and I immediately looked down guiltily, knowing that I was the reason behind those whirlwind years. Ever since I had met the Cullen's I had brought this family nothing but trouble and danger. I didn't want to sound arrogant, but I doubted the family had ever been in such danger until they had met me. Tears blurred my vision at how much I was responsible for.

"Bella, look at me, please," Dad called, tapping his finger under my chin. I reluctantly lifted my head, wanting and not wanting to hear what he said.

"I knew the second Edward found you that you belonged in this family. Do you remember me telling you that?" he asked. I thought back to my time as a human. The memories were blurry, but I had not allowed them to disappear. As such, I did remember him telling me this the first time I ever got in trouble with him. I remember how afraid I had been of being abandoned once more, and how I felt that they could never love me. Dad had pushed those doubts away though before blistering my butt for the first time. It was a both pleasant and awful experience. I had been accepted fully into his family, but I had also been introduced to rules and consequences. I snapped my mind back to the present and gave my father a nod of acknowledgment.

"I stand by those words," he spoke softly and with conviction. "You belong in this family. You were my daughter from the moment I met you, and despite any trouble brought because of our association with a human, I will _never_ regret having welcomed you to this family."

"But I brought so much pain and discord to this family," I protested sadly, but he waved a hand cutting off what I was saying.

"You have brought nothing but happiness to this family, to _your_ family," he refuted gently. "All that happened was _not_ your fault. You do not control fate. You are not responsible for James or Victoria, or the Volturi. You never were, and I know we have talked about this." I nodded, remembering quite clearly the breakdown I had had that led me to nearly ending up in a fatal car accident. I had been having terrible nightmares after the events in Volterra, and I had blamed myself for all the troubles the Cullens had faced. I convinced myself that they would never— _should_ never accept me. Dad had once more worked his magic, though, and had rid me of these thoughts, for the most part at least. He had assured me that I was not to blame, and he had assured me that he and our family would never leave me. Once again, that wonderful heart to heart had ended with me face down over his lap. It seemed that I only ever had these loving and eye opening conversations when I was in trouble.

"I only brought up the struggles we went through to bring up that they have had an impact on me," he stated, looking not only at me now, but at my sisters as well. "I am responsible for all of you, and I feel I have not been the best at keeping you all safe. I have made so many wrong decisions in regards to you all, not just during that week, but before as well. So much fear and self- reproach has grown in me, and I have buried those feelings, hiding behind anger and even going so far as to punish you for my mistakes.

"That's not true, Dad!" Alice piped up, laying a reassuring hand on his knee.

Rosalie spoke up as well, telling him, "You never punished us without good reason. Every grounding and spanking we've received have been because we legitimately messed up."

I nodded my head in complete agreement, and Dad responded with a half nod.

"I agree," he responded, before then adding, "but I have been coming down too hard on you." He looked to Alice now as he said, "Think back to the whipping I gave you during our time away from Forks. You were reeling from learning of your human life, yet I showed no mercy. I came down on you harshly, letting my anger and frustrations take control.

"Dad, you didn't—I deserved what I go," Alice argued. "I attacked a human, got myself expelled, and then I attacked _you_. You still have the scar from where I bit you. Besides," she then stated very quietly, "Mom punished you then as well, so in essence you received the comeuppance you felt you deserved."

"I was punished for my ignorance to the suffering you were all going through," he corrected. "Neither I or Esme realized at that time the true feelings I was burying. Like I told you, it has only occurred to me today," he admitted with a good amount of shame.

I mulled over everything he had said, and I was beginning to understand where he was coming from, but I still couldn't bring myself to fully agree that I wasn't to blame for any of this. I didn't bring this up, though, as he already looked so exhausted. An argument would be fruitless anyway, though, as nothing he said would change my mind just as nothing I said would seemingly change his mind. I looked towards Rosalie and Alice, wondering if they were feeling as I did, but their expressions were unreadable. They weren't arguing with Dad, though, so they at least agreed with me that now wasn't a time to argue with Dad. His mind clearly wasn't going to be changed.

"I understand why you feel this way," Rosalie finally spoke up, "but you shouldn't feel so guilty or ashamed anymore. You realized what you did wrong, and you've been punished for it. You always tell us that we are forgiven after our punishment is over, and the same is true for you. I"—she paused at this moment and glanced towards Alice and I. " _We_ forgive you, and I know the boys and Esme do as well, so forgive yourself."

I looked at my sister in a new light, awed by how wise she sounded. Embarrassingly enough, I still couldn't help but view her as selfish and shallow. I knew she was protective of our family, but I never would have expected her to be able to say something like this. A quick glance at the loving smile on Dad's face, and I knew Rose's words had had a positive effect. She really did know how to comfort him. Once more I felt a spark of envy.

"Thank you, girls," he said, his voice full of gratitude and love. "I love you all so much. I know I have told you all this repeatedly, but I reiterate it all the same. Despite you not being my children by birth, _you are my children_. Your love for me means everything, and I would _never_ want to cause any of you any amount of pain. You, your mates, and Esme are my world and my reason for existing. My life prior to all of you was meaningless and full of overwhelming loneliness and confusion. I have all of you to thank for giving my life meaning and for giving me a purpose. I used to see myself as a monster, but I know different now. I am a father to six wonderful, rambunctious children, and I am a husband to a loving wife." Dad's words were full of emotion, and his eyes shone with unshed tears.

The door suddenly banged open and I barely managed to keep from jumping as I watched Emmett, Jasper, and Edward walk on in. Emmett was his normal loud self as he exclaimed, "Why are the girls getting all the loving, Pops, huh?"

Dad rolled his eyes good naturedly as he responded, "Well, if you would have just come on in instead of eavesdropping, then maybe I could have spared a little loving for you, but oh well."

Emmett just huffed before settling himself onto the bed with Rose in his arms. He pecked her on the cheek in greeting, and she gave him a beautiful smile.

"I told Em, you knew we were listenin', but he didn't believe me," Jasper drawled with a smirk before sitting down himself down next to Alice, who leaned into him.

"And I told him you told me we could join you all, but you know Em," Edward added with a shrug and shake of his head. He plopped on down next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"Did you really think we had no idea you were listening," Rosalie questioned skeptically. "You guys are as loud as a herd of elephants."

"Correction," Alice amended in amusement, "Emmett is as loud as a herd of elephants. My Jasper knows how to be sneaky." Jasper just smiled as his mate as Emmett sputtered. I laughed at the banter, while at the same time also feeling a little embarrassed that I hadn't noticed they were even in the house. It seemed I still wasn't that adept at using my new senses as I thought I was. The arms around me tightened and I banished these thoughts as I snuggled into Edward's comforting embrace.

 _How long have you been back?_ I thought to him. _Have you heard everything?_ I felt no embarrassment with admitting my terrible lack of awareness as I knew he wouldn't judge me. In response, he just nodded is head.

 _Were you here already when he 'woke' up?_ I then asked for clarification, and he once more nodded his head. I sighed before allowing my shield to snap back in place. It was still difficult for me to lower the shield, and I could never manage for more than a minute or two.

"So," Jasper finally spoke after several moments of comfortable silence, "we heard everythin', and I gotta say that we're all in complete agreement with the girls. We get where you're coming from. We appreciate how much you love us, but we also find it really hard to see you beating yourself up like this."

"I've known you the longest, Dad," Edward added, "and we hit some rough patches, but I've never resented you for any of it. You were new at this father thing, and it's not like I made it easy for you."

Dad let out a huff, a small mile adorning his face as he said a simple, "I know. I know this guys, I really do, but I need you to understand, _I did not do this for you_. I am not trying to earn your forgiveness or prove anything, or make a statement. This is about me."

"This is about how you treat us, you mean," Rosalie interjected with a pointed look.

He sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over his face. "This is about me and how I deal with my anger, which…" He trailed off, grimacing before giving an acquiescing nod to Rose. "Very well, let me say this differently. Yes, dealing with my anger is not just for my benefit but for yours, but what I have been attempting to explain to you all is that I don't want you blaming yourselves for the punishment I received. I went through it because I let my temper get the best of me"—

"Because of how we acted," I interrupted glumly. Because of how _I_ acted, I wanted to say, but I knew the others (besides Rose) wouldn't stand for me taking sole blame for last month's events.

Dad groaned loudly now, shaking his head before staring at us with pained eyes. "This argument is going to go around and around, isn't it?" Firm, stubborn nods were given by all of us. "Birds of a feather," he murmured quietly to himself before taking in a huge breath.

"Very well," he stated, his voice serious and firm, "I cannot control your thoughts or feelings, but listen closely. I have had issues with my temper since I was a young child. This temper landed me in more trouble than I would care to admit during my human years and even in my vampire life. While I have gained better control of it, there are many times where it gets the best of me and I don't quite realize it. I accepted Eleazar's punishment because I let my temper get the best of me last month. You don't have to agree with me," he added when he noted a few opened mouths, "but you need to accept it. You love me, I know this, and because of that you don't like seeing me hurt, am I right?"

"Of course we do!" We chimed in as one, giving him exasperated looks that he'd even have to ask.

He laughed lightly before giving us a handsome grin in return. "Well, as you already know, when you love someone you never want to see then hurt, no matter the reason. Think about how protective you get of each other many of the times I have had to spank or even scold one of you. Think of how protective I am of Esme and all of you."

I looked down thoughtfully before looking at everyone else. It seemed we were all looking at each other, and it seemed we all realized where Dad was going with this conversation when sighs escaped our lips.

"It's like when you punish Alice," Jasper spoke up grimly. "I hate it like no other, but logically we both know yer just trying to teach a lesson. Am I right?"

" _You're_ he one that gets into trouble, Jasper, not me!" Alice exclaimed in mock anger before our father could react.

"Of course, darling," Jasper responded indulgingly as he pecked her on the cheek. I stifled a laugh.

"That's exactly right, Jasper," Dad responded, amusement shining in his eyes.

"So, we're supposed to just accept you getting walloped like we would our mate or siblings?" Emmett questioned with wide, concerned eyes.

"Yes," Dad replied with a single nod. "I'm not asking you to like it, but I do want you to accept it happened…and to not give Eleazar any grief," he tagged on at the end, a stern look entering his voice for the first time during our conversation.

None of us seemed happy with what he'd said, but we all understood what he was getting at. Glancing at Edward, I knew I hated seeing him get punished even when I knew he had gotten himself into trouble. I also knew, though, that despite how much I hated it, I knew Dad and Mom were only doing what they thought was best. They loved Edward. They loved all of us, and even when they punished us, the love was still there. They didn't enjoy it, but they did it to help teach us and correct our mistakes; and believe me, we made a lot of mistakes.

"Can you accept that I needed this?" Dad asked, and I was surprised to hear the pleading in his tone. I exchanged looks with the others to gauge their thoughts. Rosalie clearly didn't want to accept any of this, I could tell by the stubborn look in her eyes, but it seemed everyone else could.

"We can accept it," Edward stated, deciding to be our spokesman, "but we still don't quite agree with you."

"I'll take what I can get," he commented with a loving smile. "So," he then stated, "since I have you all here I feel there is something more I should say. Due to recent events I have decided that I will not use my belt on any of you without Esme's agreement, and only as a last resort as I had originally intended. I feel I used it far too much last month, and I would assume you are all in agreement."

"Hell yeah we are," Emmett crowed loudly.

"Secondly, I also promise to not land a single swat on any of your backsides until we have had a discussion as to why you are about to be spanked. This means, that at least with me," he informed, "no matter how you behave with me I will not spank you on the spot, even if it is to deliver a few warning swats."

"No matter what we do?" Alice questioned with wide eyes.

"No matter what you do," Dad agreed. "I need to learn to trust myself again, and I need you all to trust me again as well before I will feel confident enough to not act rashly. I make no promises for Esme, though, so I would not push her on this matter," he added with a small smile.

Looks were exchanged between all of us as we digested his words, and none of us could really think of anything to say, so a few of us just nodded. I certainly wasn't going to complain about not being on the receiving end of the belt; and if he didn't decide to blister my butt on the spot if I got disrespectful, then who was I to complain.

"Now, would one of you be so kind as to tell me where Esme is?" Dad questioned, no doubt realizing none of us was going to say anything.

"About that," Emmett stated, rubbing the back of his head as he sported a sheepish expression. I looked at him curiously, noting as Dad's own curiosity turned to worry. "She's with Eleazar," Dad stated rather than asked, and Emmett grimaced before muttering, "Yeah."

 **Esme's POV:**

I had finished my hunt quickly, extremely grateful to my boys for their obvious love. They did the best they could to help cheer me up, but I wasn't in the most receptive mood. I was feeling angry, angry over the state of my husband. The hot bubbling anger in me was unfamiliar. I had felt this protective anger for Carlisle before, but never to this magnitude. I knew it wasn't rational, but I didn't want to be rational right now.

I hunted enough to make sure I was under control before shooing my boys away. They didn't want to go, but I told them their father needed them and that I needed to speak with Eleazar. That last bit made them want to leave even less, but they seemed to realize that arguing with me wasn't going to get them anywhere, so they reluctantly left. I outright ordered them to not let their father know where I was unless he asked, and only Jasper gave a single nod of understanding before they were gone.

It was a relief to me to know that Carlisle would have all the children with him. They would be able to help him in ways that I couldn't.

I watched my boys walk into the house and stood at the outskirts of the woods waiting. I hadn't told him, but nonetheless Eleazar just knew that I would want to speak with him, so no doubt noticing the boys arriving without me, he stepped out of the house. I watched him let out small sigh before he ran over to me.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?" he asked, and I gave a nod, not wanting the family to hear the conversation we were about to have, especially if I ended up yelling.

I let him lead the way and we jogged for a few minutes before slowing down and beginning to just walk. I allowed about fifteen minutes to pass before deciding it was time to speak.

"Tell me everything that happened from the beginning," I demanded, not caring how rude I sounded right now. No one messed with my mate. I trusted this man not to harm him, and I wasn't sure if he had truly kept his promise to me.

Eleazar frowned lightly, upset by my tone no doubt before he dutifully recounted everything that had taken place between him and Carlisle. I listened quietly, not interrupting even once as I took in his every word. As I heard every word I was also analyzing the elder man's tone and posture. I wanted to know not just what he was telling me, but exactly how he felt about everything that had occurred. People could lie with their words, but it was more difficult to do so with body language.

The longer Eleazar spoke, though, I found it harder to remain ambivalent because I was becoming more and more angry. This man had hurt my husband. This man had hurt my _mate_! In the back of my mind I knew I was allowing my vampire instincts to rule me rather than my head. I mean, I had spoken with him twice while everything was happening and I had been okay with what he'd told me. However, after seeing the state of Carlisle rational thought had left me. All I knew was that the man in front of me had caused my mate harm, and I needed to seek retribution.

Thankfully, I did have some control over my instincts as I knew attacking Eleazar would cause more harm than good. It wasn't only that he was the better fighter, but I had no desire to permanently damage the relationship my family had with the Denali's. Not to mention I knew that despite what had occurred, Carlisle still loved him.

Just keep remembering that, I told myself. Keep remembering that if you hurt this man you are hurting Carlisle. I repeated this mantra over and over again in my head until I was once more sufficiently calmed. I could not react in anger. I was not one of the children. I would never allow them to lash out at Carlisle after he punished one of their mates, so it would be hypocritical of me to think it would be alright for me to lash out at Eleazar.

"Esme," Eleazar spoke after having noted I wasn't going to speak, "You spoke with Carlisle, correct?"

"I did," I responded frostily, "and he is in an awful state. I have never seen him look so upset and exhausted."

"Well, you also have never seen him punished so harshly either, have you?" he asked back, no doubt urging me to think this through logically.

"You did not have to be so harsh!" I snapped angrily, barely resisting from growling at the Spaniard. "The strap was uncalled for."

Eleazar closed his eyes briefly as he let out a harsh breath. "I was not overly harsh with him, and once again I had no idea the psychological effect the strap would have on him," he retorted, anger beginning to seep out of his tone. "Had your stubborn mate been honest with me _as I asked him to be_ , then I would never have used it. It was never my intention for Carlisle to confuse me with his _god forsaken father!_ " he defended hotly. "That aside," he continued, waving a sharp hand to stop me from speaking, "Carlisle was given nothing more than what he deserved, and nothing more than what he could endure. We spoke at length afterwards, and I assure you despite what you have perceived or what he may have told you, Carlisle is just fine. He is undoubtedly quite sore, which is to be expected, and of course he is exhausted as he has been through an emotional ordeal. Now, do I really need to continue to defend my actions, or will you start to see reason, Esme Cullen?"

I glared, bristling at his both his tone and the use of my full name. He was speaking to me as though I were one of the children, and I would not have it.

"Do not speak to me like one of the children, Eleazar," I hissed, taking a step into his personal space.

"Then do not act like one of them," he hissed back, taking a step towards me. We were close enough to be touching if we'd wanted to, and I could see the same anger and frustration I was feeling reflected in his dark eyes. Taking in a calming breath, I broke the staring contest and stepped away from the man before I could no longer fight the urge to slap him silly.

"I should never have trusted you to take care of my husband," I stated, "as you clearly don't know him as well as I thought."

I felt a flash of guilt at the hurt look that crossed his face, but when his hurt quickly changed to fury, my own expression mirrored his.

"I know him better than you think, you ridiculous woman!" he ground out through gritted teeth. "I have had enough of you accusing me of having abused your husband when I did not such thing! I spanked him, a punishment which both of you were aware was going to happen and which you had already agreed to. And if I may add," he said waspishly, "you have also spanked him before."

"Not like you did!" I retorted, angry with myself for ever having agreed with Carlisle that he needed to be punished.

"Because he has never acted as he has recently," he replied. "He has never punished any of your children so harshly. He has never felt so angry that he needed to resort to acting as coven leader in order to deal with it. He has never had to order you to not interfere in something like what took place a month ago. You were there," he said, pointing a finger at me. "You saw everything that happened, and I know you realize that you should have"—

He stopped speaking abruptly, his expression looking suddenly shocked. "That's it, isn't it," he murmured softly, most of his anger seeming to have vanished into thin air. I gave him a confused look, not understanding at all what revelation he had seemed to have.

"You feel guilty," he declared, and when I gave him a look of disbelief, he nodded his head looking more and more certain of himself. "You feel guilty because you failed to realize the extent of Carlisle's anger. You feel guilty for the harsh whippings your children endured as you stood by and did nothing, and you feel guilty for having let Carlisle down." Eleazar let out a sigh at this point, his look conveying deep understanding as he then said, "You are not just angry with me, you are also angry with yourself, and I happen to be an easy target."

My own anger flared only briefly at his words before seeming to vanish as well. His words struck a chord, and I was struck speechless as I processed what he'd said. Was it true? Was I feeling guilty? The more I thought about it, the more I realized the truth behind what Eleazar had said. I was angry with him, but I was also angry with myself.

How had I not realized how angry Carlisle had been? Why had I not pushed more? How could I have just stood by and allowed Carlisle to take complete control?

Because you trust him.

But he broke that trust, didn't he? Or, he at least strained it.

I had trusted him to be in control when dealing with the children, and he hadn't been.

I looked at Eleazar with a small frown, my emotions far less tense than they had been only minutes before. I still felt some anger towards the man, but I also realized that I was feeling anger towards myself and Carlisle. I was also feeling guilty for my failure as a mother.

I heard the crunch of the snow as Eleazar slowly made his way to me, only looking at him when he placed a hesitant hand on my shoulder. He greeted me with a small, weary smile.

"I know you are still angry with me, hermana, and I am beginning to realize that whatever I say, it will not be I who convinces you that your stubborn husband was not harmed," he remarked softly, and I just let out a sigh, knowing he was right. I wouldn't be okay until Carlisle was.

"Esme," Eleazar called when my attention had wandered, "you are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. You are not responsible for what Carlisle does or did. That man is excellent at keeping his feelings hidden even from himself. There was little you could have done last month to change what happened. You were ordered to not interfere by your coven leader, and you were wise to heed the order without fail."

"He's right," Carlisle interrupted, and I turned to see him standing several feet away from us. He was still in the sleep pants and t-shirt, and he was barefoot. That along with his windswept hair let me know that he had ran here as fast as he could the second he realized I was alone with Eleazar.

Eleazar let out a semi-exasperated sigh as he shook his head bemusedly. "You should be resting, Carlisle," he scolded mildly, "not running through the forest."

Carlisle responded with a pointed look that clearly said he cared very little for what Eleazar had just said before looking at me. "As annoying as he can be, Eleazar hit it on the head," my beloved spoke firmly as he walked towards me. "You are not responsible for my actions. You are a wonderful, caring, loving mother, and our children are lucky to have you. _I_ am lucky to have you. Please, love, _never_ feel that you have failed me or them."

"Carlisle," I sighed, wrapping my hands in his, "you are not the only parent who can make mistakes. I should have noticed how upset you truly were, or I should have questioned you."

"You two make quite the pair," Eleazar stated drily as he watched us with crossed arms. I narrowed my eyes while Carlisle rolled his. He noticed my irritation, though for he gently turned my heads toward his and simply said, "Eleazar did not hurt me."

"He used a strap on you," I argued weakly, and Carlisle's eyes were knowing as he replied, "Because I did not warn him of the psychological effect it could have on me. I made things worse for myself, not him."

I wrapped my arms around the love of my life and rested my forehead against his. He said nothing more as we simply stared into one another's eyes. The longer I looked, the more I realized that I may have treated Eleazar a little _too_ harshly. Feeling I owed the man an apology, I broke away from my husband reluctantly and looked over at the older man.

"Eleazar," I began to say, but he just waved my words away before I could say anything.

"I understand," he responded as he smiled, and while I appreciated his response, I still felt the need to give him a verbal apology.

"I'm sorry for insinuating you hurt Carlisle," I told him repentantly. "I know how much you love my husband, and I know you would never intentionally hurt him. I just hope we never have to repeat any of this," I declared, giving my love a serious look.

"We are all in agreement with that one," he remarked before Eleazar added, " _Complete agreement_."

Carlisle pulled me into his arms in a tight embrace, and I relished the feeling of love and contentedness. Looking once more into his eyes I knew that everything was going to be just fine. We had survived one more bump on our long path of life, and we would survive any more that came our way.


End file.
